Johann Wolfgang von Goethe once said: A man can stand anything except a succession of ordinary days.
so its like 11:03pm. tuesday. i got home from livo 2day n went to sleep until about 9 or sumthin. i was so tired n really really bored. Johann Wolfgand was so write wen he said ppl can live with anythin except a million normal boring days over n over. u run outa things to do. i dont really no wat to do with myself. i hate it wen i have extra time i start to think and wonder and overthink and bitch n complain moan whinge go crazy. its not healthy.. watched 'Wedding Crashers" today. it was good. OMG i cant get over the fact we walked into the wrong movie. thats soooo funny. were so stupid lolz.. 'how long is the movie?' 'i duno.. hmmz from 12:40 to 3:00.. thats like 2 hours 20 minutes', 'wat cinema..?' 'cinema 9' ... walk into cinema 9.. rite movie rite cinema.. wat time was it? 1:40.. lmao got the wrong ticket. i cant believe it was so funny.. 'ys the movie like half way? were only 10 min late.. ' hahaha anywayz.. the movie was funny.. laughed alot which was good after a bad day of maths results.. shitness.. omg n my movie 'tea with mussonlin'.. its been discontinued. y do i always get the crap stuff.. can i get a misadventure for my english exam mark. its not my fault i had to make up stuff for the essay. the movie doesnt even exist anymore.
i hate school sooo much. i hate getting our results. i hate thinking about how im gona miss everything. i hate how everything is the last of. im trying to take mental pictures of it. but my brain capacity isnt large enough to remember moments. the moments r gona b gone :( argh.. to much time to wonder bout the future. i hate thinking about the next day. i hate not knowing. i hate everything but its ironic how the things i hate are gona be the things i miss the most.
i duno wat to do with myself. i havent been goin on the net much anymore. i have no social life outside of skool coz most of them ppl dont talk 2 me or ive totally started ignoring ppl. i feel so mean. my cuz came up 2 me n said hi.. blah blah. n i didnt even say hi. i wrote 'k' n thats it.. lolz. im really annoyed at myself coz thats really mean. i wasnt in the mood to talk to anyone. n i havent been in ages. everytime i c ppl on the net i ignore most n dont go up 2 them or im busy playn games. yay im lvl 84 in RO now. as soon as i lvl up the server went down :( i wanted to go up 1 more lvl but sumthin stopped me. its a sign i wasnt meant to lvl up again im not sure y.. but yeh i wasnt,
im sorta hyped up coz i slept already and im not really tired. but i no i need to sleep now so i can wake up 2moro. but i cant sleep. so i dont no wat to do. thats y i came online. n now im online i got nuthin 2 do. so wat was the point? lalallalaa boredom..
very long boring blog..
gona go maybe sleep.. duno yet
nite nite [L]uv] ~ SamZ
Wednesday, August 24, 2005
Friday, August 19, 2005
а fєш іиѕріяатіоиаℓ шояdѕ
Ayn Rand once said: "Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish, in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach. Check your road and the nature of your battle. The world you desired can be won. It exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours."
yay i cant believe i finally finished the trials. last exam was business.. i had two days off so i could study. But as usual i didnt study.. Last night i began to stress.. got distracted didnt study.. woke up this morning.. running late.. early for the bus just so i didnt miss it.. OMG guess who was on the bus? SHIVASHREE haha remember her? well i didnt.. i was walkin off the bus and she was lookn at me. and i said hi. walked off.. then after all that i realised who it was hehe i feel bad.. she looks the same and i didnt recognise her. oh wellz :P anywayz business was fine.. i guess it was ok.. i didnt write that much. THANK YOU PRAMEETA lol for the lift i owe u heaps. :D
Anywayz im home.. playn checkers like the old times with my old neighbour haha.. its so weird.. Its one of my aunties bdays 2day. I ate chips n chocolate :S relaxation = junkation hehe gona be so unhealthy
On tuesday goin livo. any1 wana join. welcome. afta skool around 12... watch a movie or sumthin
Bored As[S] betta be off.. bye byez
yay i cant believe i finally finished the trials. last exam was business.. i had two days off so i could study. But as usual i didnt study.. Last night i began to stress.. got distracted didnt study.. woke up this morning.. running late.. early for the bus just so i didnt miss it.. OMG guess who was on the bus? SHIVASHREE haha remember her? well i didnt.. i was walkin off the bus and she was lookn at me. and i said hi. walked off.. then after all that i realised who it was hehe i feel bad.. she looks the same and i didnt recognise her. oh wellz :P anywayz business was fine.. i guess it was ok.. i didnt write that much. THANK YOU PRAMEETA lol for the lift i owe u heaps. :D
Anywayz im home.. playn checkers like the old times with my old neighbour haha.. its so weird.. Its one of my aunties bdays 2day. I ate chips n chocolate :S relaxation = junkation hehe gona be so unhealthy
On tuesday goin livo. any1 wana join. welcome. afta skool around 12... watch a movie or sumthin
Bored As[S] betta be off.. bye byez
Wednesday, August 17, 2005
тнє тіdє тнат ℓєfт аиd иєvєя самє ъаск
Hansel said to Gretel. “Let us drop these breadcrumbs, so together we can find our way home. Because losing our way would be the most cruellest of things”. This year got lost on my way and losing your way on a journey isn’t fortunate, but losing your reason on the journey is a fate more cruel. The journey lasted 8 months, sometimes I travelled around, sometimes there were others who took the wheel and took my heart. But when the destination was reached it wasn’t me who arrived. It wasn’t me at all and once you lose yourself you have two choices. Find the person you used to be or lose that person completely. Because sometimes you have to step outside the person you have been and remember the person you were meant to be, the person you wanted to be, the person you are.
Thursday, August 11, 2005
Routine
HAPPY 18th BIRTHDAY AMY (for yesterday) hope u had a marvelous exciting day and i hope u made it memorable. you only eva hav a 18th bday once.
i really didnt wana start bloggin again.. but i feel as though i have to. i need to talk.. i havent had a proper conversation with anyone in a really long time. i feel really lost, distracted, confused, withdrawn. people talk to me and i talk to them. but im just standing there. u no wat i mean? just standing and watching and nodding and smiling. do i even no wat im saying? no. i just stand and nod and say yeh uhuh agreeing.. even when im in discussions they are never deep.
why has my life been overtaken by skool? why do i feel every moment is taken up by work? why do i feel like this? am i doing it on purpose? i think i am. avoiding reality. concentrating on avoiding life. but by doing so it doesnt mean im gona become super smart or sumthing. ive bearly had time to study. thinking and concentrating on not thinking is hard and tiring work.
it feels as though every1 i considered a frend has changed.. (excluding most skool frends).. but i mean people who were my frends on the outside. in my life. im not sure if they were my 'frends' or just people. but if they were my frends why do they avoid me or ignore me. or only talk 2 me when they need somthing.. my cuzn hasnt called me in ages.. she hasnt bothered.. but she went n asked my sista 2 ask me 2 borrow a dress.. without talking 2 me.. n i let her... i duno y i gota b nice
the trials bring out the true insides of some people. its so horrible. how nasty n mean people can get. its like they r in the wild. and they r starving. and theres only 1 apple left. n they all fite over it to get it. people would pretend to share it but they give u the rotten core of it.. i duno if it makes me up myself but i would think in that situation i am nice. i would give up my share to someone who needed it more. is it wrong to think im nice? maybe nicer than some other people? argh i duno
some people say i am too nice. and it mite be true. if someones mean 2 me. i cannot tell them 2 there face. i neva stoop to their level. i would neva do wat they did 2 me. i often get used and i get hurt, but wat am i meant 2 do. atleast there r a few people who look out for me. but im not sure that those people really exist.
atm im really really confused. i havent had enough time to stop n think and cry. even though i cry alot. i havent let out my feelings. i sit here and watch life walk past me. watch people grow and change and drift. while i stay and watch and observe. will i grow and evolve to? when is it my turn to change? or have i already started to? maybe its me whos been changing while every1 around me is still?...
*sigh* *yawn**scream* im meant to be studying for legal now.. but i dont want to. i did horrible the past few exams.. im really annoyed at myself for not studying for advanced english paper. why am i so nice? why do i worry about my sisters? fuckn hate yr 8 4 bein bitches 2 my sista. i cant believe i care so much about her. omg what am i doing? am i blaming my love for my sista for doing bad in english? arghh c y i hate blogging... im a bitch :S i guess its not just blogging coz they r my thoughts n feelings.. but yeh.. its not true if u dont say it.
sometimes its easier to see what you want than to search for the truth.
i really didnt wana start bloggin again.. but i feel as though i have to. i need to talk.. i havent had a proper conversation with anyone in a really long time. i feel really lost, distracted, confused, withdrawn. people talk to me and i talk to them. but im just standing there. u no wat i mean? just standing and watching and nodding and smiling. do i even no wat im saying? no. i just stand and nod and say yeh uhuh agreeing.. even when im in discussions they are never deep.
why has my life been overtaken by skool? why do i feel every moment is taken up by work? why do i feel like this? am i doing it on purpose? i think i am. avoiding reality. concentrating on avoiding life. but by doing so it doesnt mean im gona become super smart or sumthing. ive bearly had time to study. thinking and concentrating on not thinking is hard and tiring work.
it feels as though every1 i considered a frend has changed.. (excluding most skool frends).. but i mean people who were my frends on the outside. in my life. im not sure if they were my 'frends' or just people. but if they were my frends why do they avoid me or ignore me. or only talk 2 me when they need somthing.. my cuzn hasnt called me in ages.. she hasnt bothered.. but she went n asked my sista 2 ask me 2 borrow a dress.. without talking 2 me.. n i let her... i duno y i gota b nice
the trials bring out the true insides of some people. its so horrible. how nasty n mean people can get. its like they r in the wild. and they r starving. and theres only 1 apple left. n they all fite over it to get it. people would pretend to share it but they give u the rotten core of it.. i duno if it makes me up myself but i would think in that situation i am nice. i would give up my share to someone who needed it more. is it wrong to think im nice? maybe nicer than some other people? argh i duno
some people say i am too nice. and it mite be true. if someones mean 2 me. i cannot tell them 2 there face. i neva stoop to their level. i would neva do wat they did 2 me. i often get used and i get hurt, but wat am i meant 2 do. atleast there r a few people who look out for me. but im not sure that those people really exist.
atm im really really confused. i havent had enough time to stop n think and cry. even though i cry alot. i havent let out my feelings. i sit here and watch life walk past me. watch people grow and change and drift. while i stay and watch and observe. will i grow and evolve to? when is it my turn to change? or have i already started to? maybe its me whos been changing while every1 around me is still?...
*sigh* *yawn**scream* im meant to be studying for legal now.. but i dont want to. i did horrible the past few exams.. im really annoyed at myself for not studying for advanced english paper. why am i so nice? why do i worry about my sisters? fuckn hate yr 8 4 bein bitches 2 my sista. i cant believe i care so much about her. omg what am i doing? am i blaming my love for my sista for doing bad in english? arghh c y i hate blogging... im a bitch :S i guess its not just blogging coz they r my thoughts n feelings.. but yeh.. its not true if u dont say it.
sometimes its easier to see what you want than to search for the truth.
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