Sunday, October 29, 2006

нσω тσ ρσѕт αfтєя 10 dαуѕ...

Its been 10 days since i last blogged. Or i think its been that long. Ive been pretty busy with uni i guess, amy akansha n steven came uni on friday.. and friday night i went out with Belinda n her friend Tina.. =) It was fun haha.. Today had a family BBQ.. lots of lil kids and babies.. These days ive been livin like not here. It feels good.. Havent been worrying, havent been thinkn. Just goin with the flow. Im doin stuff and not thinkn twice.. I guess its good.. But im scared that its all gona hit me at once.. oh wellz.. just gotta enjoy THE NOW. and ill be fine.. Livin in the moment rox.. <3

Friday, October 20, 2006

ωιтн тιяєd єуєѕ, тιяєd мιиdѕ, тιяєd ѕσυℓѕ ωє ѕℓєρт

haha i dont know whats wrong with me, i had a driving lesson again today. I get so nervous when i drive with ur mum Prameeta. lol i have no idea why. Im normally a good driver i promise! Today i made so many lil mistakes it was so embarassing. I was a better driver last week.
I feel like ive talked to much today, and im so tired. Went shopping.. saw some guy from uni who works at the telstra shop, so embarassin coz i wasnt expectin 2 c any1.. he shook my hand.. lol we introduced ourselves coz we didnt know each others names. But hes been in my class this whole semester. Lol how weird. i thought his name was peter.. oops.. Yah.. tired. but wana watch veronica mars and one tree hill tonight. got group meetin 2moro at 10:30.. stupid last assignment. Speech :S 20%. but last assignment for semester.. and then all ill have are exams.. yay nearly over.. 45 more days =) the countdown begins..

BTW- u can now play pacman on my blog page.. and there are random quotes (just scroll downwards), and if u click on the google ad on the side, i get $$ hahahaha, thanx for supporting me through uni =P *click click*

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

вяσкєи нєαятєd

Im so upset, i cant stop crying. I feel so bad and i dont know what to do. My sister broke up with her bf. I feel so bad for her. His sister left a nasty comment on her bebo, i dont want my sister to get teased. I want her to fit in. She was happy when she was with him. I think. Now its gona go back to the same old thing. I just want her to have friends that actually care about her. Why cant they be normal? I feel so sad because she acts happy when shes not. Her friends told the school shes depressed, and they recommend she see a doctor. Our doctor asked her to speak to someone. I dont know if she is. But it hurts so much to have ur sister being sad, and feeling like she cant talk to anybody about it. She didnt even want to tell anybody why she was going to the doctor but my mum told me. I really shouldnt be tellin everyone/blogging about it. But i dont know what to do. I feel so sad, i feel her pain even though she doesnt show it. I really really dont know what to do. I feel like in my family i have to be the strong one. My mum choose to tell me coz im the oldest. Now i have the biggest burden. She doesnt have depression, she just feels sad alot. Thats still pretty bad. For her friends to notice it. To tell the teachers, who have also asked about her and questioned her. She said she doesnt like school, she doesnt wana change schools though. Why? Why wouldnt she wana try to fix the problem? I feel so like separate from that side of her. I cant talk to her about it, coz firstly im not meant to know shes sad, secondly she chooses not to speak to me about some things, and she gets defensive if i ask stuff.
---
I hate when people lie and make excuses if u dont wana go out coz u cbf just tell me. Dont fucken waste my time tryin to make excuses n stuff, If you wana do something specific just tell me. Dont go to other people telling them the reason u dont wana go iz coz u wana do somethin i dont, or that i wana stay out longer than u want to. Is it my fault? Why waste time? why go around in circles. Spend 30 minutes trying to think of something to do, then in the last minute say how about we wait till someone else can go as well.??? huh? why? why make plans with someone including myself without even asking me? why lie and say that u need to study when ur not actually going to study? Is it my fault for wanting to spend time with people? Is it my fault for trying? Sometimes i think its not worth the effort.. Maybe it isnt. Maybe i dunno.. And dont say im picking on u, becoz other people were honest about their reasons. I wouldnt be pissed if you didnt want to go, but why did u lie? Im not just caught up on one event, its been a few. Dont think im "pickin on u" coz im havin a shit life. Your not that special for me to pick on u. I dont care if this is harsh, coz its the truth.. and sometimes people should be honest to save themselves.

Monday, October 16, 2006

αℓℓ тнαт ι αм

So much feelings duno where to start

  • HATE uni
  • Dont like people at uni
  • Dont like attitudes of people
  • Dont like bein ignored
  • Dont like not bein able to do what i wana do
  • Dont like not bein able to talk to friends
  • Dont like being jealous and envious
  • Dont like not being able to have deep and meaningfuls
  • Dont like not being able to talk to those that i once cared about
  • Dont like fake people who "act"
  • Dont like my life atm
  • Dont like my family "acting"
  • Dont like being used
  • Dont like not being invited out
  • Dont like not being able to "like"
  • HATE being alone
  • HATE not being able to write how i feel

Feelin so bad lately. I just hate everything at the moment. The best way to escape it all is to ignore, and to continue in this boring loop of my life. I just need an esacpe, i wanna run away, i dont wana deal. I just wish somethin better could come along. I mean my destiny and fate cannot just be this. It cannot be only this. There has to be more. Cant it just hurry up and work out for me? Whats the point of being good, when only bad things happen to you?

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

σвѕєѕѕισи

Woke Up at 4am. So Extremely Emotional. Eyes Hurt and Water. Tired. Sleepy. Obsession Preventing Sleep. Stay Awake. Pay Attention. Happy. Sad. Ambiguous. Need Sleep.

Friday, October 06, 2006

Weird Holiday Thingy..

well i havent been to uni for this whole week.. its like ive actually had two weeks off, instead of one. i feel so guilty... like on tuesday i took the day off to do my assignment due on wednesday.. and then on wednesday meant to hand my assignment in.. had such a hectic stressful day i dont even wana remember it. but belinda my hero saved me. and i handed my assignment in about 55 minutes late.. but 5 minutes left to spare in the allowable time my lecturer nicely gave me after hearing my situation. today i had the day off.. except coz its 2am.. this entry probably says friday.. but yeh.. so tomorrow (friday) i have uni at 2pm.. i feel weird.. lol and i dont wana whinge now coz i dont wana be annoying.. but yeh..
i talked to prameeta today.. and im so gona hire ur mum soon.. but im scared.. what if i smash her car? or if i do somethin n then she hates me.. or what if i do somethin then i accidently swear.. and ur mum gets all like weird... omg .. haha i dont really swear.. but like what if... haha
Feelin so sick in my tummy too.. stupid nausea!
hmmz.. gotta sleep soon.. but i really dont wana go... i dont want tomorrow to come..!

Monday, October 02, 2006

ѕтєρ υρ

Today, well seeing that its past 12. Yesterday, i went and saw step up. It was such a good movie. It made me cry! =) haha yah.. recommend it.
Well.. hmmz.. im so bored atm. today i guess. Monday. is officially the last day of my holiday. I had so much planned for it, except i havent done anythin. Only been to the beach twice, and movies. Thats it. and yeh.. im so bored and alone atm. Noones on msn. Sometimes i like msn when i talk to some people.But i hate it that i dont talk to anyone special anymore. Like i havent added anyone new in such a long long time. And i dont really want to. I dont like making friends with randoms anymore. But the people that i have on the net, that are hardly on that i like talking to, never are on when i wana talk to someone. Its so annoying. There arent that many, but they are always fun, and always make me smile. I wish they came on more often, just to entertain me. Krishy just nudged me. Thats all he does. He never talks to me.. Grrr.... I wanna talk to someoneeee. I feel so whingy.I hate being alone. I feel so isolated. I also sometimes wish i was more out there. That way people would be more comfortable talkin to me about stuff they think i know nothing about. I hate it when people avoid subjects coz they think i dont know anything about it, or that i have no experience in it. Makes me feel very immature and small. I wish i was different, but then i hate it when people agree with me. Like im just rambling atm, coz im bored, and waitin 2 c if anyone comes online. I havent given out my email addy or phone number to anyone in years. Its so sad. Like i mean other than school or uni people. I havent gotten a random phone call either in such a long time. Argh so alone.
I have an assignmnet due on wednesday. I havent started. Its worth 35%. Crap. Just wana have fun and hang out with people. But noone to hang out with. =(

ѕσмєσиє яєѕ¢υє мє!!