sleep

i havent slept in my room/bed all year.. Im back here now.. I forgot how safe my room was :)

dimensia

its my day off work.. I woke up at around 10:30.. It was hot.. I woke up atleast two times in the middle of the night coz of bad dreams. I had many options of things to do today but i chose nothin.. Now im lying on the couch watchin greys anatomy.. My grandma is over.. She comes over atleast once a week.. And shes sitting there mumbling to herself. Praying to god.. Saying her sons and daughters name. Confused as to where she is. She calls my mum her sisters name.. Sometimes she gets it right like just now she called my mum and i asked what she wanted and she said your mum.. My dad sometimes asks her if she knows who i am.. She often doesnt know. And when he tells her.. She says ohh ok.. But i dont think she actually knows.. She just humours him.. Last time she was close.. And i think she thought it was 10 years ago and she said she thought i was younger/smaller..its really sad.. N everyone copes differently. I think my mum is taking it hard. Shes hardly ever in the same room as her.. Id do anything not to be here right now. But i feel obligated to be here coz i dont wanna regret any time wasted.. I need to escape.. I want someoone to call me to go out. I should have gone out..
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