If my heart could do my thinking, would my brain begin to feel?

Things change in life. They make you see things differently. Big issues that once were are now minuscule.... My grandmothers been in hospital for a week and 3 days and she isn't getting better. I guess in a way its good that its just a mental thing and not a physical thing... but its still hard. Ive only been to visit her once.. and i couldn't handle it. Is it wrong that i don't want to visit her? I cant stand to see her like that. I cant without crying. and its not like she is unaware of us. She sees us, she knows us.. its just like shes drunk. She remembers everything. I just cant do it. I don't have enough strength. I've been avoiding it because every time i think about it i want to cry.
More things change in areas of perception. Once you saw something in a certain way.. then something changes... or happens.. and it makes u see it in a different way,, This new perception changes the way u feel... and these new feelings are scary because it can affect everything that once was... How are you supposed to deal with it? What are u supposed to say or do?
I dunno the answer to anything. Im getting really tired of helping when i cant help myself.