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i HATE feeling like this. It was hard to pin-point the exact emotion i feel. But i figured that its jealousy. - a feeling of jealous envy,mental uneasiness from suspicion or fear of rivalry, unfaithfulness, etc. I spent most of the day thinking. I HATE competition. I hate being the same as someone else. So when someone does something or wears something that i have or do. Then i feel uneasy about it, and try to change. So i spent like an hour bitching about my jealousy or annoyances with my sis. So now i feel a little stupid blogging about it. But ok heres a hypothetical situation which i need a solution to. If my cousin wants to go clubbing on saturday, with some uni friends, Belinda (who is her friend now i guess), and my cousin from England whos here now.. do i go? even if i really hate clubbing. And the one organising it, knows this. And like i duno. i just dont feel invited completely. i was only invited outta politeness, or the need for someone to drive them around. I duno but i really wanna be stubborn and not go. Just coz i wont be comfortable and i wont have any fun. But i dont wanna miss out >.<
I feel sorta alone atm. I dont even have anyone to play a game against =( i want new friends! dw i still love all my old friends. But i need to meet new people. I really do. I need someone who knows everyone, and who lives around here. whos house is always open to bum and has cool stuff to do all the time.
im just so angry all the time. at stupid stuff too. like just little things piss me off.. and it all comes down to jealousy.. or competition. Some people like to play life as a game. And they have contests over stupid things. They copy u, but then take all the credit.
grrr ok i have an exam on tuesday. i HAVE NOT studied yet. i feel guilty... lala la so distracted coz ive been bitchin bout this crap to everyone else.. i sorta forgot i was in the middle of a blog AGAIN.. so ill just finish it now i guess..bye bye