Wednesday, July 26, 2006

fояℓояи

The title this entry, is perfect. Forlorn Appearing sad or lonely because deserted or abandoned;Forsaken or deprived. Exactly how i feel, even though i havent literally been deserted or abandoned. Ive been home in my room by myself for so long, that im feeling beyond bored. Its not even boring now. Its just "bleh". I feel so isolated and alone. Sometimes i don't feel like talking to anyone, i want to but i dont. I dont know why. Its weird. I feel so lost, i cant remember what ive done in so long, because i haven't done anything. My life (verb) is a blur. a tiny pigment of my life (noun). I need a new word for life. I dont even know what i'm doing anymore. I dont even want to do anything. Its strange. Anywayz.. today i was on the computer, and there was this cat meow-ing and it was so annoying. I didnt even know where it was. I looked everywhere but i couldnt find it. Then i just figured it was me neighbours meow-ing for some odd reason. It went on for like half an hour. How strange. hehe.
I woke up at 9 this morning, The first time i've woken up before 12 in a long time. I had to register for my tutorials. It was so crazy. I ended up havin 5 days a week of uni. I was so stressed. But eventually it worked out, and i now have thursday off. And i have a friend in 2 of my tuts, and 4 of my lectures. So that means i only need to make new friends in only 2 tuts. So thats alright :P
How long does someone have to wait to talk to someone who has just totally drifted? Do you ever talk to them again, or do you continue to ignore, and allow driftiness? Should you let it go? Okz.. Sleepy

Goodnight xoxo
Luv Samantha

Sunday, July 23, 2006

party

lol..well last night was my cousins 21st. The alcohol dilemma was solved when his younger brother, brought alcohol from his room, downstairs, and went and bought some more. I had my first ever shot, called a "quick fuck" hehe.. how exciting. It had Baileys, Kaluha, and Midori in it. I thought id be smart a just drink it, not knowing that u are meant to skull for a reason. I nearly threw up half way through it,but managed to skull the rest down. Lol it was so funny.. apparently ur meant to skull it becoz the baileys is meant to go down first, and line ur throat to protect it from the stronger stuff. I think it was gross, becoz now i know that in fact i do not like the taste of baileys. But yeh.. hmmz... i also had 2 smirnoffs and some mudshake stuff.. that was pretty good for a chocolate milk type drink. And i dont even drink chocolate milk.
the party began boring, but got heaps better. The rooms were split with Daniels friends in one, his cousins in another, and the other side cousins in another. But it was good, because my older cousins were really nice, and actually talked to us and had proper conversations. I dunno if it was me but usually they seem so 'old' that they cant be bothered to talk to us. but i think since me and kathryn turned 18, weve sorta stepped over the barrier. Its really good.

Today i woke up at 1pm.. and yeh.. been a boring day.. only 1 more week till uni.. and i cant wait.. but in a way i dont wana go bak.. coz this semester i no that theres heaps of work to do.. :( oh wellz
*yawns* bye byez

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

єиичі

Ennui - the feeling of being bored by something tedious. My days are so repititious, that its become hard for me to remember what i had done the day prior to today. anywayz a really short blog. Dilemma needs to be solved. Please comment with input. Ok Saturday is my cousin Daniels 21st bday party. He said no alcohol is going to be there. He doesnt drink at all. He doesnt mind if other people drink. But he is against it for himself. His brother said we could bring if we wanted. I want to. But i dont want to. If i drink, then he might feel left out coz every1 might be drinking. If i dont drink, i want to, and every1 else might be drinking. So what do i do? Do i bring me own? Or do i not, and be a good cousin, Most of my other cousins will probably drink. Basically every1 but him. So what would you do?

Thursday, July 13, 2006

Dостоя Dостоя

I went to the doctor today.. renew my prescription. got my blood pressure taken.. 120 over somethin..i 4got the number.. but its normal.. he even said its perfect. Yay im perfect :D id never had it checked b4.. andwe were talking about food and stuff.. and he said i get morning sickness.. which explains my nausea from some smells of food.. and loss of appetite. I cannot touch pizza.. and some foods.. lol its so funny.. explains everything.. Oh im not pregnant. of course. just a syptom of my acne medicines. i couldnt stop laughin. dunno why..
anywayz the whole argument is over.. i apologised properly coz he said he didnt mean it when he said he hated me.. and yeh.. i just realised we've been friends heaps longer than the argument was and would have lasted. and it wasnt worth it. so its all good.
anywayz thats it i guess.. i feel like going shopping 4 new clothes.. gota buy somethin 4 daniels 21st next sat. gota get him a pressie 2.. hmmz ok.. sleepy.. 2 weeks left till holidays r over.. who wants 2 go 2 a drink and food making day at some1s house.. most likely mine? if people r interested i will probably organise it.. if not.. leave it till a day some other ppl r..
goodnight..
Luv Samz xoxo

.

fucken shit, talk about attack... recruiting members in his army, i am hurt. fucking hurt, "I want you to know, that right now i hate you so much..you have made me feel like just, arghh i dont, i teird to fix things..i..im speechless, i never knew this side of you existesd, this cruel side, evill side, you blame everything you do on anrgy..well you are angry in living form" quoted directly from BOB. so if one can exhibit so much hate towards one, do they ever truely get over it? He talks about attacks? Hypocrite. Guess who used my name in their blog? Guess who talked about me to others? I dont understand why its ok for you to make trouble between people. Why is it relevant what CATE or LEMMY or JESSIE said about me? You tell me oh dont tell JESSIE that i told u what she said coz i dont want trouble. Then why the fuck did u tell me? why would you say this to CATE. Why is it relevant? "B.O.B... says: CATE dont ask me..she thinks im bitching about her to you..ask her" I dont care if JESSIE said "im speechless, why is she doing that" after reading my blog. But why did u tell me? Why is it relevant. You are gathering an army against me, Recruiting. Even without the knowledge of those innocent bystanders. You are using innocent comments and shoving them in my face for some sort of proof.
You act as if you are over it. And you say this by saying we can now be "net friends". What net friends? Is that what kinda friendship you want? Id rather no friendship to somethin fake. Because thats what it is. You are being fake. You want to be the better man, to help with your recruiting. I apologise to you right now without you asking me to for blogging about you. And im sorry if you see this as an attack. Because you probably will, and you will probably use this against me. But who cares ok. Thats it, Oh btw the reason why u couldnt call me, or i couldnt call you, is because i know if i have another argument with you on the phone i will cry. Because using your words. "As usual" i will cry. Of course.

You cannot say you hate me, apparently apologise for that, which isnt relevant and then want to be friends. Or supposed friends. Once you hate someone thats it. Ive seen it with other people. I wont mention any names because i am not going to use things uve told me in trust as revenge. But once you have said you hate someone, you treat them like shit, pick on them, bitch about them, and never really befriend them again. So i cannot befriend you or net friend you if i know you hate me. Thats it. The end.

Sunday, July 09, 2006

тімє↔шаяр

I am so lost and confused atm. So much has happened, and it feels as though i havent been apart of it. I was involved, but i was just watching. I cant remember most of it. All i know is that i am angry-->upset--> and pissed off. Which by my definition mean the same thing rolled in one. Well, as it seems, it is now illegal to mention any names in blogs.. under the law of BOB. because i cant mention his fucken name. i will write bob.. what use is that.. people still know who im talking about. What kinda argument is that over the most stupidest things. I dont understand what happened. One minute fine, gettin over the previous argument.. and then bob pops up and starts a new argument about me blogging about the old argument. What i hate is that i said like whateva just 4get about it/get over it.. or just move on and i wont talk to u anymore or be friends or whateva. Bob continues arguing.. and when it suits him he ends the convo by leaving and saying thanks blah endin the friendship. Why is it a competition? some people always have to have the last say dont they? Bob complained that my blogging may have influenced others in our group to think differently about him, but i dont think it had.. hardly any1 reads this. Tomorrow we had organised to go to the city. After the argument he emailed JULIE and said he isnt going anymore. So when he had previously joked about not going because i was going.. he was in actual fact telling the truth. My blog isnt going to ruin any1s friendship with him, him withdrawing and acting like and in no way offense intended 'a spoiled brat' is going to ruin friendships. And because the argument from what i interpreted was about me blogging and using bobs name.I had somehow crossed this imaginary line in his head. Im so frustrated, to me this seems so stupid, im not angry, i dont hate bob, it seriously feels as if i wasnt involved. Maybe bob was arguing with himself but using me as a medium. I have no idea what happened. I guess its a waste of time, me thinking about it. Its bob's problem, he needs to deal with it and figure it out. I dont see that i have done anything wrong and i dont feel i need to say sorry. But if any1 thinks i was wrong, tell me and i will apologise it. All ive done is defend myself against remarks and accusations about myself, i may have sworn but that was all in defense and anger.. But other than that, i duno what ive done wrong...
Bleh.. whateva..

Tuesday, July 04, 2006

шнџ??

WhY? wHy? WHYY?? and again.. another argument with steven. Why do people think they know me? Why do they use this to judge me? arghhhh its sooo stupid. Just because i become defensive i started the argument? Just because i said that you pissed me off its my fault? why would u want me to tell u if i get pissed off straight away but when i do it pisses u off? Why do u always use excuses such as i called to start a fight coz im bored, i have pms, im jealous, or im just in a pissed mood to help verify my anger with u? first of all, u called me first to get me to call u back coz u have no credit. and second of all why the fuck would i be jealous? its so stupid. ur the one who became all competitive and wanted to prove somethin to me. i saw it as u showin off and puttin me down. When u make excuses for me, i see it as u puttin me down, and making me feel small like a little kid. Theres no respect, Even if u may be smarter than me coz ur doin science and all that crap is not the reason i become defensive. its the way u act about it. u dont have to make me feel like an idiot because i do less hours of uni than u. in normal circumstances with a stranger i wouldnt give a shit becoz it is true. u do more hours than me, it may even mean that ur smarter. but i dont care about that. i only care coz while ur 'bragging' about it, ur puttin me down. and u have no right to judge me, and say that its my fault becoz i have issues and insecurities about my marks n stuff.. that has NOTHING to do with it.. but as usual u dont give me a chance to explain why i really am pissed off, u just rush off to start blaming me and making excuses for why u think im pissed off. i deal with so much shit from u, its ok for u to get angry with me, and require for me to apologise to u, even if i feel i havent offended u.. but the one time.. well i guess its the 2nd time uve really pissed me off, and i confront u about it. u turn it into ur argument with me, and blame me.,. and i end up feelin as though im the one who needed to do the apologising. Its so bloody annoying, ur so stubborn. and its only with me that u have arguments.. You think u know me, but u dont. noone really knows me "I've known a few guys who thought they were pretty smartBut you've got being right down to an artYou think you're a genius-you drive me up the wallYou're a regular original, a know-it-all Oh-oo-oh, you think you're specialOh-oo-oh, you think you're something else"Lmao how funny is that.. exactly.. i dont give a shit anymore. i give up.. i dont wana be nice anymore. i am not gona give in. im not gona apologise for gettin u pissed off becoz i was pissed off.. its so funny the whole thing.. i could so just easily give up and forget it coz its so stupid.. but ive done it so often in my life. im not going to. why do i always have to be the nice one?
i bet ill just 4get this whole thing by 2moro, but whateva, had to get it all off my chest..
F*** Life *big scream* - im over it =D
Luv Sam XoXo