Tuesday, November 30, 2004

ѕℓєєрџ Đєѕіяє

Isn't it funny how u could wake up feelin really happy and then ur day turns shit?
this mornin i woke up.. i felt really good.. i had the nicessst dream :D dont really remember much but i no that i was very comfortable.. i think i was sittn next 2 some1 i think like in the post office or sumthin.. yeh and that some1 was like really comforting if that makes sense.. i dunno but wen i woke up i felt happy and good..
The rest of the day was alright.. we talked alot bout our futured.. predictin wen each of us gonna get married and how many kids we gonna have.. i got predicted that im gona get married at 23 (pretty young) and have kids.. more than 1..
but they think they gona b girls.. ive decided i want a boy if i eva have kids.. they so much easier.. like they less expensive.. hav less problems.. they cant get pregnant they dont hav 2 worry bout all those small things.. i think guyz would b easier to look afta.. they more independant.. and yeh.. alot easier..
after skool 2day was wat wrecked my day.. had fite with mum n sistas.. :S im so annoyed it wasnt even my fault.. i shouldnt have goten involved all i did was try n stop them fightin.. and then i got in shit.. and annoyed and arghh..
Ive been workin on bio.. doin my summary cards.. i finally finished and my hands are dead.. i wrote 2 much.. about 29 pages of card.. sooo much.. and i still gota study.. prob gona read it b4 i go 2 sleep and then in the car 2moro mornin.. on wed i got maths test.. didnt get a chance 2 study at all even though i said i would..
ive got the biggest headache atm.. maybe its coz i havent eaten 2day except 4 that sandwich at skool.. or it could b from the weather.. :S im really really tired.. i dont wanna go 2 sleep coz that means i gotta wake up and go 2 skool and i really dont wanna go.. atleast i finish at 12..
i wanna do sumthin relaxin now.. i can relax... i finished my bio.. and i got 2moro 2 study 4 maths.. i should relax.. but y do i feel so stressed.. and like all this weight on my shoulders? i cant relax.. :S 2 much on my mind i guess... i need some1 2 talk 2.. some1 2 make me laugh rite now... i need 2 laugh and feel happy..
*yawns* so tired..
On thursday i wanna go fairfield.. appointment with beautician and nails.. my mum better take me.. she neva takes me ffld anymore.. i have no idea y... i bet sumthin happend or she thinks i go there 2 meet up with some1 or sumthing...
omg rite now everythin movin soooo fast.. im listenin 2 junkin' punny - sean paul.. and my heads spinnin.. so loud and fast and every1 movin.. arghhhhhhhhhhhhhh
it was ok b4.. listenin 2 sean paul havin good memories.. of all those good days.. and now my head just :S:S:S:S:S
my music creates my mood.. i better change it..
music gives me memories.. sounds and smells mainly trigger my memories.. if i smell a certain perfume or wateva it sumtimes reminds me of a person.. i luv rememberin stuff.. especially if they good.. but sumtimes the not... 2day we were talkin bout embarassin moments n stuff.. and that brought alot of memories bout people.. *sigh* oh wellz.. wat can u do?
*yawn* *stretch* *scream* arghh
lol.. this is really long.. betta stop coz no1 will b fukd 2 read it..
bye byez xoxoxoox

Monday, November 29, 2004

ріик lаdієѕ

i got 2 pickles.. i got 2 pickles.. hey hey hey hey..
we're goin 2 the race.. we're gonna win 1st place.. and u got an ugly face!
hehe i was watchin little rascles b4.. "ooookkkkk" hehe.. that used 2 b one of my favourite movies.. i used 2 watch it everyday after skool at one time.. that was until my little sister taped soccer over the end of it.. lol it was accidentalz.. but so annoying.. now afta spanky and alfalfa win the race and they gettin the trophy u see some people runnin up and down the field playin soccer..
2day i went livo.. a waste of a day.. i ate this crepe thing.. its japenese.. a new store in the food court.. its like a really thin pancake and inside it u can choose wat 2 have.. i had banana, whipped cream and vanilla icecream.. really yummy.. but i shouldnt have had it 4 lunch coz its kinda desserty..
i bout this pink singlet top from myer.. its a 'grease' top.. on the front it says "are you too pure to be pink?" and on the back it says "pink ladies".. i plan to where it wen im discovering sydney.. lol we planned a pink day.. we all gotsa wear pink clothes.. i betta not b the only 1..
anywayz it was a wasted day coz i shoulda been at home studyin 4 maths test on wed.. omg 15%.. and doin my assignments n hw.. :S i cant wait till the holidays... a break from skool..
our maths test is like 15% of half of our total yr 12 mark.. shitness thats alot if u think about it.. i hate maths so much.. cant remember anything!.. and now we in 2u.. our old 3u teacher puttin pressure on us and expectin me n amy to come 1st n 2nd in our class.. like thats gonna happen.. (eye rolling smile..)
yehh.. ive got a brain freeze type headache.. and its probably from the air-con.. *achoo*.. stupid weather.. its sooo boiling hot and wen u have air con on its 2 cold.. :S no wonder im gettin sick again..
its so boring.. not just today.. my life.. it once again became dull.. no1 interestin.. no new people.. i wanna write no problems.. but thats gonna jinx it..haha watch 2moro sumthin bad gonna happen :S
dear darla
i hate ur stinkin guts..
you make me vomit..
ur scuuum between my toes..
love alfalfa
bye byez hehehehe xoxoxox

Sunday, November 28, 2004

ьІаик

i just finished watchin save the last dance.. its one of my all time fav movies.. its so sweet and cute.. i could watch it over n over and not get sick of it...
atm im home alone.. could hear fireworks b4.. kinda scary..
hmmz nuthin 2 blog about 2nite.. slow day.. really really hot and gross.. thats it.. went shoppin and yeh.. my fones stuffed.. the on/off button wont work.. and the guy goes $35 to fix.. it was caused by me changin my cover.. and if i fix it ill prob break it again so no point.. just neva gona turn it off.. and charge it all the time..
la la la.. hmmz blank
bye

Saturday, November 27, 2004

тяаиѕΙатіои?

just got back from chloes house.. celebratin her 18th =) happy birthday.. even though it was 8 days ago.. im so tired.. playin ps2.. DDR wateva.. eyetoy n singstar.. lol
i got back around 9:30.. chloes mum drove me back.. it was weird.. she doesnt speak english and i had 2 give her directions back to my house. there are alot of left turns 2 my house and i feel like an idiot coz i kept sayin left and pointing left.. and then we would smile and laugh.. lol so awkward.. it wasnt to bad though.. if i was in the car with 1 of my frends parents who spoke english they woulda been talkin 2 me and i probably would say sumthin stupid or make them get the wrong impression of me. its really important 4 my frends parents 2 like me so they can trust me and let us go out.. lol.. in the car it was really really quiet lucky the radio was on or it woulda been even more weird...
while i was sittin in the car on the way home.. i was thinkin about languages.. do people think in different languages? when u think do u think in english? wat if u didnt no any english? would u be thinking in that language? i wanna ask some1.. but how would i ask that person without knowing that same language.. and if i was talented enough to learn that language would i think in that language?
i wish i learn a new language.. or learn my own language better.. i am gettin better at speaking assyrian.. all i gota do is spend more time with assyrian people.. its really annoying.. coz i no how 2 pronounce a certain word in my head but when it comes to saying it out loud it sounds completely different than it did when it was in my head. omg i hate it wen i say sumthin stupid and dont even realise it.. like once i was talkin 2 my cuz in assyrian and i was talkin about this girl named mary.. and in assyrian i thought her name was matmarium or wateva.. and i kept sayin that was her name and my cuz and frend kept laughin.. wen i asked why they go there is no such name as matmarium coz only 'mary' has that name.. people name their daughters marium or sumthin.. oh wellz its not that bad just mainly embarassing..
amys goin back to tawain on the 8th.. and shellys goin back to china 2... every1 is goin back to their countries.. where would i go back to? this is where i was born... i get so offended wen people call me aussie.. i duno y but i dont like it.. i luv bein iraqi and assyrian its kool.. i wish i was born in iraq.. it doesnt matter.. fairfield is "assyria" hehe... wen some1 in australia goes back to their country.. e.g. china.. in china they say that ur aussie coz u came from australia but then here ur chinese.. wtf r u? so confusing..
*yawns* im so tired.. my hands, legs, body, brain.. should probably go to sleep now.. or atleast stop typin..
nite nite

ps...
Pisces Fri November 26, 2004
During the coming fortnight you'll have to pay even more attention than usual to the needs and emotions of your loved ones. If you don't, perhaps because you're busy with outside interests, you may end up having to sort out a mini crisis that someone has got themselves into. You may also find yourself saying goodbye to part of your past, which will be poignant.

ooo thats kinda scary... wonder if it comes true.. ill blog bak in bout 2 weeks and update n c if it did.. btw poignant means painful and distressing, sad & upsetting.. wonder wat past???.... (edited 20min later)

Friday, November 26, 2004

міxєd ємотіоиѕ

got this feelin inside of me.. im breathin really heavy and it feels like if i breath more im gona cry.. i have no idea y im feelin like this.. trouble breathin and pain eyes brimmin up with tears.. its really quiet here.. no sounds.. still dead of nite.. every1 asleep.. dont think i can sleep.. mind blank.. heart hurtin.. confused.. no idea y..

кіиdяэd

today, instead of usin my own brain and thinkin of what to write about i went around askin ma frends 4 random topics..so this will hopefully b interestin so i dont bore uze..
it was funny today.. steven fell asleep in english and then woke up afta the period finished. lolz his excuse was coz he was tired from 0 period.. jareh =)
shelly told me to talk about food...and split ends... well 2day i havent eaten anythin. im not feelin really hungry. must be the weather or somethin.. plus i dont wanna go canteen so i can save my money. i spead a miminum of $20 a week at the canteen. how many weeks we go 2 skool? 3 months holidays minus 12 = 9 months.. 9 times 4 = 36.. 36 times 20 = $720
omg i spend $720 minimum at canteen a year...woahhh im not gona spend anymore... thats if i can live without chicken tenders no lettuce and tomato sauce. hehe y did they hav 2 change the chicken they use? i get used 2 the taste of one and then they go and change it. and it seems like its not as nice as it once was..
i keep getn distracted.. this guy just called me. hes like 23 or sumthin :S i dont really like talkin 2 him but yeh lucky he gets bored easy and hangs up afta 10 minutes..chloe just msg me askin me 2 come over 2moro 4 her 18th hehe.. koolz.. sumthin fun 2 do
anywayz back to my list of things to write about.. oh yeh i 4got to talk about split ends.. i have no idea wat im meant 2 write about them.. except we spend a small amount of time in class lookin at our hair cuttin pieces off.. umm lol
omg my conditioner ran out!.. stupid hair uses the conditioner up b4 the shampoo.. ahoo i cbf 2 go city and pay $70 just 4 conditioner.. im tryin 2 b cheap here and save my money. id rather save up $400 and go and get my hair redone and get a new BIG bottle of shampoo n conditioner.. its actually worth it.. its been about 4 or sumthin months and my hair is still straight and not dead.. just startin 2 grow back. i got kinda baby hair at the front. but nuthin a blow drier cant fix..
haha melody told me 2 write about "mystery how to find kitten" that was quoted by her and i have no idea wat it means.. but ill interprete from a feminist perspective.. why is it a MISTERy?? why do men get all recognition in finding this so called kitten? and who is this kitten? and why is it lost? why would some1 lose a baby cat? i no they're ugly and smelly and dirty but still...
haha i was just thinkin of the time wen i was at livo ALOT.. like everyday.. and how i used 2 c this lady there.. thinkin she was a relative i used 2 wave to her and smile.. one day i was at livo with ma mum and i waved to this lady and my mums like whos that? and im like u no her.. ur relative.. and shes like um no.. ive neva seen her in my life.. OMG how embarassing :S
haha another embarassin time was wen i was at maccas with this guy and i was drinkin fanta and then all of a sudden i kinda slurped and some fanta shot outa the straw.. dont ask me how that happends but that was really bad.. my face went soo red..
Watch your step today because it will be easy to lose track of what you're doing and get into a muddle. It doesn't help that you're feeling very absent-minded and forgetful, so you may also waste a lot of time searching for items that you've mislaid. Nevertheless, this is a marvellous day for letting rip with your imagination because it will take you on some fabulous journeys. - my horoscope (pisces)
i think its so true.. it explains how im feelin.. absent minded and forgetful.. its just me hehe.. i luv readin my horoscope.. its not like im obsessed with it and i dont live my life by it.. its just interesting to read wat it says and to see if it comes true. i do believe that a person may have certain characteristics depending on their horoscopes. like 4 example taurus r stubborn people.. and its true.. haha im aimed at some1.. sorry if i offended u taurus people who r not stubborn.. but u probably r. =)
haha my list continues... imagine pamela.. bad ass captain smokin droppin outa skool and turnin up on a motor bike wearin short leather mini and knee high boots.. lmao.. wata funny idea..
haha oh no! i ran outa things 2 rite.. my list has ended.. i have few more things but they dont seem relevant atm.. oh wellz.. ill blog more sum other time..
mwahz xoxox

Thursday, November 25, 2004

ΙіЪёт иооўпа

haha.. its fun makin titles 4 the entries.. but i ran outa titles.. so i just wrote 1 in assyrian.. if u new wat i wrote u would seriously be like wtf.. oh wellz.. i hope it actually makes sense..
2day was wednesday.. i hav 2 remind myself wat day it is coz the days go so fast. ooo i just remembered wat happend 2day at skool.. im so worried about my sista.. :S *anger management* plz.. arghh i hate bein older sista sumtimes.. i hav my own life n sumtimes i cbf 2 worry about my sistas but yeh
*sigh* i duno wat 2 write bout. 2day was alright skool.. did bit of hw afta skool.. feel beta not as behind in work as b4.. startin 2 get on top of things.. argh so many assessements n exams comin up. i cant wait until the holidays.. 3 weeks left :D
o wellz nuthin on ma mind atm.. blog laterz
xoxoxo

p.s. libet nooyna means the heart of a fish.. i guess i was tryin 2 say cold hearted.. but i dunno if it makes sense with the translation.. (edited on 25th Nov..)

Wednesday, November 24, 2004

?

www.fansii.blogspot.com <--- amy's blog.. check it out =)
2day finishd at 12.. no more maths on tuesdays.. yay.. lol.. ma cuz came n we went maccas.. feedin this pigeon chips.. so fat and it looked as though it had shoes on its feathers seemed 2 have overgrown and looked really weird..
2day was an alright day i guess... didnt do much.. didnt think alot.. my mind was a blank and 2day seems like a blur.. another day in my life.. its really sad how u cant seem 2 remember things that happend a week ago.. i cant remember anything unless sumthin happend on the day.. this means i need 2 make life more memorable.. will it just b a blur? or will some1 remember me? wat kinda things do u need 2 hav an influence on some1 else lives? i dont think i have the type of image or personality 4 people 2 remember me.. i dont leave a mark in peoples lives.. wat kinda things can u do? i dont really no y im thinkin about this.. maybe its coz of so many people from school passin away.. so young.. and wat will they be remembered 4? its so sad :(
oh wellz.. gota b happy and la la =)
2day i was thinkin about wat 2 blog.. but now i cant even remember.. 2day at school i was noticin how every seems 2 have changed.. not in a bad way.. good.. like every1 seemed 2 have matured and grown closer.. its really nice..
i have 3 dogs maltese terriers.. and i feel really bad coz i dont like them anymore.. haha that seems really mean but i dont wanna like them.. if i grow 2 attached 2 them.. wat if 1 of them dies? this year my 1st dog died.. snowy had him 4 about 7 years.. and then he was gone.. :( arghhh bak 2 sad stuff :S
happy happy happy thoughts.. =) wats happy? ummmz.... *think think* lol seriously ive got serious brain lag.. cant think
my sistas birthday is coming up.. 19th dec.. oh and we goin centrepoint 4 business studies.. (memories) haha enough said.. :S cant wait till week 10.. whole week "discovering sydney" school tryin 2 make it sound educational but we all no its a cover up 4 a week of shoppin with frends in the city.. haha i need 2 save so much money.. plannin 2 buy stuffs.. oo n i gota get new clothes.. buy new clothes 2 go shoppin 2 buy new clothes... *hmmz* weird..
hehehehehehehehe im so sick.. i sound funny wen i talk.. ewwwww haha
ooo last nite was final friends episode... so good.. lol it was really sad wen joey got monica n chandler a baby duck and chick.. and he goes 2 chandler now u hav a reason 2 visit and hes like there mite b more than that reason.. aww how sweet lol... :( wat am i gona watch on mondays now? maybe i should do ma hw instead of watch tv.. or come on net.. haha maybe not..

Tuesday, November 23, 2004

Dіѕgчіѕєѕ

have u eva noticed that ppl put on faces and disguises..every1 has a different face in front of different people. like u have 1 with frends.. family.. parents.. cuzinz.. guyz.. frends outside skool.. which 1 is the real u? and y cant u just have the same face infront of every1..? wouldnt it b good if u felt comfortable in front of certain people and u could act the way u do...
anywayz.. 2day i had dejavu (spell check) twice!.. lol so weird.. sitn there n getn lost in own world like i always do.. look up and realise seen it b4...
la la la cant concentrate.. bye bye

Monday, November 22, 2004

вояэdом

magapas - greek / arabic song.. hehe.. sounds good..
so bored i was playin gunbound b4.. good game.. won bout 2 games and lost 3 or 4 haahaha.. oh wellz i am getn betta.. 2day went livo with cuz and walked and walked.. did nuthin pretty borin.. remember that diet.. haha broke it 2day.. i ate chips.. :S oh wellz.. its not a hard diet 2 go on just that u run outa things 2 eat..
my throat getn a bit betta.. prob coz i had hot tea last nite.. even though ma mum said that tea isnt good it will make it worse.. thats the last thing i had last nite and wen i woke up i felt betta.. 2day small things hav been happenin 2 make me a bit happy..
argh i was havin this dream this mornin and it got interupted with a fone call from ma cuz and now i cant even remember it.. thats the worst.. havin a good dream interupted.. :S yah... dunnoz wat 2 write..
no1 reads my blog lol i havent given any1 the link 2 it.. 2 scared that the wrong ppl will end up readin it even though ive been careful not 2 write certain things.. by doin that this isnt really a good blog/diary coz its meant 2 b full of thoughts and secrets and desires.. by censoring stuff and not mentioning things coz im scared that person will read it wont hav the full affect as other blogs do...
lol i have no idea if wat i just wrote makes sense i cbf 2 go bak and read it.. laziness
*cough cough* hehe.. (small sickness) im on msn atm.. of course.. only talkin 2 1 person.. its not that bad good person 2 talk 2.. but im bored.. i need sumthin in ma life.. nuthin 2 drastic but sumthin small 2 keep me occupied.. and sumthin that makes me happy.. and not sumthin bad..
haha got distracted ppl went offline.. now im bored.. prob go 2 sleep afta i write this.. haha
hmmz... lala lalal allalalaala im not really tired.. i feel weird..
im thinkin if i should giv out the link 4 this blog.. *sumtimes i wish i could fly.. spread my wings and soar away and neva return again 2 this crazy luv life* haha not sure i got the words rite.. but nice song.. i feel like that atm..
*yawns..* *sneezes* haha i seriously just did both of them.. how yukky.. hate sneezes.. sneezes can b cute on some ppl.. my dog sneezes cute
was watchin how 2 lose a guy in 10 days 2day.. really cute cute movie... arghhh *jealousy* wish i could find some1 who would put up with all that.. even if it was a dare.. and stay in luv with them aftawards.. looks so cute.. wouldnt it b nice if ur bf got hit and then u could look afta him.. awww how cute lol
the cutest movie prob would b a walk 2 remember.. i wanna sit under stars with bf and hav picnic and cuddle awwwwwwww lol... oo and save the last dance.. :D hehhehehehe...
i need a day 2 stay home and watch all these movies.. all the "chick flicks".. it would prob b better if i had some1 2 watch them with.. *wink wink* lol.. how sad.. i sound soo.... yeh...lol
anywayz i think i got verbal diaoreha just sayin 1st shit pops into ma head.. lol beta stop coz im soundin weird.. i guess thats just me.. weird..lalalala doesnt even make sense no more..
nite nite sweet dreams
xoxoxox



тноυgнтfυl

sittin here.. waitin 4 my tea 2 cool down.. my throat is killin me..
2day i woke up with a really sore throat and weird dream.. ive had this dream b4.. i was in a silent movie.. but it was weird.. coz i could hear and talk.. arghh i cant remember it now.. lol i new it b4.. but now :S oh wellz..
anywayz 2day went livo with amanda lookn 4 her frends bday pressie.. n then came home n went over cuzinz house.. got home like bout an hour ago.. and came on.. pure net junkie
i was readin amys blog b4.. and she was talkin about adreniline rushes.. that feelin u get wen u c some1 u like or hav a crush on.. u feel like u got butterfliez in ur tummy and get all excited.. i miss those feelings.. sometimes i do get some feelin but i dont think its the full effect as i once did.. its like lil previews of it.. if u get wat i mean.. coz i dont
ive been thinkin alot 2day about everything.. ppl.. money.. life.. love.. family.. everythin.. ive been thinkin about problems n stuff and tryin 2 go through them in my head.. i feel a bit better about some things but other stuff kinda worse..
arghh my throat is killin me.. its like swollen and scratches.. i cant swallo coz it hurts and it feels like im thirsty all the time.. i need 2 go doctor.. havent been in ages.. and i got no time.. and im hungry lol ate chinese food at lunch time 2day.. my dad got me interested in the atkins diet... lol sounds pretty stupid.. me on a diet? but im tryin it 4 1 week... low carbs low sugas.. that means no icecream no chocolate and no PASTA :( oh wellz.. i can eat cheese and meat.. its not that bad.. i was watchin documentary bout it and the results are proven this girl lost 4kgs in 1 week.. and u become more healthy.. ur whole body system gets cleaned.. its really good
haha i dont think i will last but ill try.. with a lil persistance and patience and a bit of motivation i CAN do it lol..
haha.. im getn tired from typin so yeh.. bye bye
xoxoxo

Saturday, November 20, 2004

нυят

arghhh so many problems n 2 many ppl getn involved.. so confused.. dunno wat 2 do.. every1 pissd at me and ppl thinkin im pissd at them.. all becoz of 1 person.. arghh.. =S

Friday, November 19, 2004

иотніиgизѕѕ

Heyz.. this is my first blog.. feels kinda weird that im gonna b writin all ma feelings and thoughts on here and have people read it all.. but i figured that this is a good way 2 get rid of stress and oppressed feelings..
its 11:32pm atm.. and im sittin here really bored.. i have nothing to do... it is so boiling hot..
mother nature has decieved us once again.. this morning woke up with a nice cozy blanket of fog.. and as the day grew it got hotter and hotter that it felt like u would b suffocated with humidity.. the weather makes every1 feel uncomfortable and tired..
i should b going to sleep soon coz ive been havin really late nites lately.. and im scared that my parents will get angry at me.. i hate it wen they get angry coz they make u feel guilty and then they punish u.. :S parents r meant 2 make ur life miserable.. its their so called "jobs".. u cant b happy.. if ur happy then it means ur not doin enough work.. stupid way to look at life..
these days ive been livin my life on a "high"... bottom layer r problems and issues.. i dont wanna deal with them so i live on top of them.. tryin 2 4get about them and live normally as if they dont exist.. in the bottom of ma heart i have a bad feeling that if i dont face them or deal with them they will come bak even bigger and worse.. the problem is i dunno how 2 deal with them.. wat r u meant 2 do wen u cant change something happening and u have no control over? ur opinions in the situation wont help and ur bein affected by it.. and it seems like no1 cares..
who are u meant 2 talk 2.. who do u talk 2 bout ur problems? should u talk about them or continue livin on a "high"? there never seems to be the rite person to talk 2.. cant talk 2 family coz they the 1s usually creating problems.. cant talk 2 ur frends coz they mite c u differently.. or the issues mite b 2 heavy burden to place on ur frends.. wat are u meant 2 do? who can u turn to? i need some1 2 trust and giv me advice..
i hate feeling bad.. so i try and b happy.. but bein happy means ignoring things.. so im neva goin to be happy 4 real.. artificial happiness.. on the surface only.. until i deal with things.. if i deal with them my whole life will change.. im so scared of changes.. my life is full of them.. im sick of it.. i wanna giv up changing i wanna stay the same...
yeh.. anywayz this is makin me feel worse..
xoxoxoxo