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ok, recap. last saturday, not the one two days ago. Went movies & max brenners. yum thursday went parra and pancakes on the rocks. yum yum. This weekend. Saturday had Kathryns 19th costume bday party. Occupations. All sisters were invited + Diana and her bf. Got there around 3pm. went had lunch, came n helped set up. Party rocked. Had alot to drink. Had fun. Sister hooked up. Other sister got drunk and puked. Cant remember much about that night, or sunday. And now i feel like shit. Grrr! But who cares. Suppressing memories will do the job. Dad shits me. Full yelled in the backyard to get diana n her bf outa our house. So embarassing. They heard and went for a walk n called later on so i could take them home. He has issues. My birthday is shittin me to. Why did i organise somethin without confirming with my friends first. i
edit: grr i had a full thing written then when i posted ^^^^ that was all that saved. fucken pissed off grr
well anywayz as i was saying. i love those who have let me know if they can come or not. i wish i hadnt orgnaised it. hardly any1 can come stay at the cabin for the weekend except for anna. so its just gona b us two.. hehe... hmm i knew when i organised it, it would b difficult for some people to make it for the weekend, thats why i had an option of them coming to jamberoo and just spend 1 day with me. is that so much to ask? i guess it is. gona have to cancel that if no1 replies coz its hard to organise somethin when no1s going. omg uni startin next week. the most shittiest timetable ever. on thursdays i have to stay till 10pm. im dreadly the drive home half asleep. im so scared im not gona know any1 at all this semester. and the work load. i hate uni. im not made to study. i cant study. its gona b so aweful. some weird oldish guy on msn is actually some1 from unis brother. i wonder who. grr givin out my email addy without askin first. hmm my friend went to newcastle today. im so lost and confused. i dont know whats wrong with me i duno why i feel. im already bored and its only been 1 day. oh and how come i feel. why do i hear about things from the past, or people i should say. and i just feel. and care. why do i care. whats my problem. im so confused. why cant i just say what i want. why cant i tell those that shit me that they do, and why cant i tell those i care about that i do. and why am i lost. why do i have to be confused. why cant i just go back to before, when it was peacefulish. when i didnt think or feel. when i didnt know of this pain and drama. Why am i doomed with these feelings. i am so confused and i dont know if im ever gona be able to figure it out. deep down i know what i want. but what i want i cant have, becoz its gona hurt. and i dont wana get hurt. i wana be emotionless i wana just be. why cant i just be with no feelings.