lost

i feel so alone right now and i cant sleep coz im so upset. I duno whats wrong with me. i just cant seem to relax. i cant be alone by myself becoz ithink too much. i need some1 with me constantly till i get sleepy or i get all sad. i hate it. whats wrong with me? why do i feel so alone all the time? my friend used to talk to me every night and now hes gone and i feel like this crazy person. and i just realised somethin and now i hurt . why did i have to think that. now im making myself go crazy. why do i always do this. i tried avoidin it. but it didnt work. i duno what to do anymore. i dont wana b this annoyin thing. why are people so nice that they do somethin just to be nice. it makes me feel so bad. becoz they arent doin it for the reason i want them to be doin it. it gets my hopes up but then they come crashin when i realise that its not for real and that i was just bein stupid. why cant someone give me attention why isnt it there for me.whats wrong with me that makes no1 notice me. i cant even sms or call without thinkn too much then i seem like this freak whos annoyin and just wants attention. the feelings arent reciprocated and im just left alone. why did i realise. why did i think. i need to get away. and i cant even do that without feeling alone. i am so upset that no1s comin to my bday thing and i cant even feel that becoz i dont want ppl to feel sorry for me for no reason. like i need pity or somethin. and im so annoyed that people say lets meet up on another day so i can giv u ur pressie. why dont they see that i dont care about a present. that i would rather have every1 b with me on my bday than get a stupid present. i need to sleep. i cant sleep. im doin this again. im back to this awful place. i hate it here. i wana run. i need to escape. i need help.