disconsolate ♥

Disconsolate: Seeming beyond consolation; extremely dejected: heartbroken, dejected. 1, 2. sad, melancholy, sorrowful, miserable.
I'm scared of feeling like this...Lately.. I've been thinking alot about something. In the moment it seems like something i would enjoy one day. But then when i think about the effects it could have; - its kinda scary. Its like i want something but that something can end up ruining everything and could leave me feeling disconsolate. Sometimes i want to act upon the feelings, but then my mind wanders and i start thinking again and i STOP.
Today me Prameeta & Steven went and had pizza, totally spur of the moment... and it was really nice. I had a uni info evening thing to go to.. but i just didn't wana go.. I sat in my car for 20minutes before i walked inside because i couldnt make a decision if i should go to uni or not. If i didn't go maybe there was a chance i could just hang out longer. But in reality i just went inside, went to my room and sat in the dark lol...I honestly don't know why im at uni.... I always choose life over it. I leave early. I leave assignments last minute. I cant be bothered. I want to because inside i know its right, but the other half just wants to have fun. I want other things. I dont want uni to become my life. and only my life. Its so stressful...I wish i had other things.... I guess i just have to wait, sort out my feelings and figure a way to choose the right decision over what i really want.