иотніиgизѕѕ

Heyz.. this is my first blog.. feels kinda weird that im gonna b writin all ma feelings and thoughts on here and have people read it all.. but i figured that this is a good way 2 get rid of stress and oppressed feelings..
its 11:32pm atm.. and im sittin here really bored.. i have nothing to do... it is so boiling hot..
mother nature has decieved us once again.. this morning woke up with a nice cozy blanket of fog.. and as the day grew it got hotter and hotter that it felt like u would b suffocated with humidity.. the weather makes every1 feel uncomfortable and tired..
i should b going to sleep soon coz ive been havin really late nites lately.. and im scared that my parents will get angry at me.. i hate it wen they get angry coz they make u feel guilty and then they punish u.. :S parents r meant 2 make ur life miserable.. its their so called "jobs".. u cant b happy.. if ur happy then it means ur not doin enough work.. stupid way to look at life..
these days ive been livin my life on a "high"... bottom layer r problems and issues.. i dont wanna deal with them so i live on top of them.. tryin 2 4get about them and live normally as if they dont exist.. in the bottom of ma heart i have a bad feeling that if i dont face them or deal with them they will come bak even bigger and worse.. the problem is i dunno how 2 deal with them.. wat r u meant 2 do wen u cant change something happening and u have no control over? ur opinions in the situation wont help and ur bein affected by it.. and it seems like no1 cares..
who are u meant 2 talk 2.. who do u talk 2 bout ur problems? should u talk about them or continue livin on a "high"? there never seems to be the rite person to talk 2.. cant talk 2 family coz they the 1s usually creating problems.. cant talk 2 ur frends coz they mite c u differently.. or the issues mite b 2 heavy burden to place on ur frends.. wat are u meant 2 do? who can u turn to? i need some1 2 trust and giv me advice..
i hate feeling bad.. so i try and b happy.. but bein happy means ignoring things.. so im neva goin to be happy 4 real.. artificial happiness.. on the surface only.. until i deal with things.. if i deal with them my whole life will change.. im so scared of changes.. my life is full of them.. im sick of it.. i wanna giv up changing i wanna stay the same...
yeh.. anywayz this is makin me feel worse..
xoxoxoxo