ι ℓσνє уσυ вυт ι нανє ¢нσѕєи ∂αякиєѕѕ

It's just one of them days,
When I wanna be all alone.
It's just one of them days,
Don't take it personal.
I just wanna be all alone,
and you think I treat you wrong.
I am so tired. The end. Haha well its Saturday night, and ive spent Thursday, Friday and all day today shopping. I went shopping with Prameeta on Wednesday as well. Grr so much shopping, and im so tired. Andd still not finished. Im too tired to even write. But yeh, i have to let some stuff go.. I just feel like running under a shell and hiding like a turtle. Everyday i do something or nothing, then hits midnight.. and i cant remember what i did, and the day that had just ended feels like it was pointless. Going church tomorrow night, and i dont wana go because of all the people, and the weather (though i love this rainy coldy weather ill prob get wet standin outside waitin to go in). And then christmas lunch at my uncles house, which not every family are going to be there because of stuff.. Then boxing day family bbq at my house, all day running after lil cousins. Im tired just thinkng about it. And all the cleaning we've been doing just for a few days, and the house gets trashed anywayz. And then new years eve, and i still dont know what im doing. Im to tired to think about it. I know i want to do something, anything. But what? and i dont want to go to a club or the city, which is where normal people want to go. But im too tired. I really want to go to a park, and sit on a nice picnic rug, with ablanket on top of me, nice fresh food, and just lie down and look at the stars and fireworks. Away from people, under the nights sky. But im too tired to look for a secluded park with visibility to fireworks. =( I want to go on a holiday, then i have no one to go with, and im too tired to bother organising that and asking people. Why cant what i want just happen? Argh my brain, my body, my soul are tired. I just cant be bothered. I want to be connected to share to be with to think alike. I want. Everyone has christmas wishes and lists. All i want is someone. And no, i dont have anyone in mind. Not even romanticalism, Just someone. Its hard to explain. But atleast i know what i mean.
This year is nearly over i cant even count the amount of days, but soon. And this past year i have changed, i have forgotten who i was. I once was an individual, i was strong, i was creative, i was me. Now i am someone else, i follow and have forgotten how to lead. Therefore, my new years resoultion is to be me.
People say its selfish to only think about yourself and what you want. But sometimes worrying about everyone else and their lives, and how their lives affect you, makes u tired. so the best thing to do is be alone, and by urself. I know that this wont last, and tomorrow when i wake, i will be back to thinking all the time, but for atleast the next hour before i go to bed let me enjoy this not thinking and just being in the moment.