Your life's a solo run, and even the crowd that's cheering you want you to fall over. They love you when you win, but they love it even better when you lose. - John Marsden
Every night is another story. The day keeps me busy, then nights come around and i start to think. I thought i was over this. But now, the more time i have, the worse i feel. The only solution is to keep myself busy. Ive been reading books, but i think thats only made things worse. It makes me think even more. Then i cant sleep. And im back to where i was once before.
Its like a part of me knows whats happening, it knows whats wrong, it knows what i want. But i cant seem to fix it. That part isnt strong enough alone to fix the other part thats so lost and confused. Its like my life has been re-winded and im back here again. I can see what is going to happen, i know whats to come and i cant seem to fix it. I dont want to continue this routine, but i cant seem to stop it or escape. I wana keep living in this dream world. Why now? why do i have to wake up now? Why is it hitting me now? Why cant reality just piss off and leave me alone? Then i look at this entry, and i look at my past entries.. and it makes me wana continue in my dream land.. Ive become something i dont wana be. I dont wana be like this, i dont want to complain, i dont wana face how i feel. Why cant i just run?
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