I DONT KNOW :S

i duno why im blogging AGAIN.. but i am.. i need to keep busy.. im bored and i need to stimulise my mind.. am i happy? or am i overtired? i love rhetorical questions becoz they can be interpreted differently dependin on whos readin.. but only i when re-reading truely no how i was feeling at the time.. am i sad? am i confused? do i no where im gona be tomorow? am i confused about school? about my family? about my friends? my future? my tomorrow? my life? what am i doing and where am i going? do i feel as though im going crazy? am i worried? am i worried about my family? about my friends? about my life? about school? am i anxious? am i anxious to see what my future holds? about my future relationships with people? about my friends? am i scared? am i lost? ambivelant? depressed? mellow? cruisin? whats going on with my brain? r u gettin confused? do u no who i am? do u care about me? do u realise i exist? would u save me from myself? would u guide me through the world? would u look after me? am i regretful about my past? does my past bring horrible memories? memories that i enjoy? memories that make me happy? memories that will last forever? memories that have made me gain experiences? am i annoyed? am i annoyed at myself? at my family? at my life's situation? at my friends?
the answer to all these questions is I DONT KNOW.. these questions run through my mind 24/7.. i am constantly thinking.. i dont know what im thinking about and i dont know the answers to any of these questions. i wonder what kind of person i was and what person i have become.. "who i am, hates who ive been" or who i will become..i have been so lost and confused and this is how my life is. i am constantly in the ambivalent world.. not knowing whats to come. its not even a nice not knowing like a suprise.. this not knowing makes me anxious and my heart beats faster and i breathe heavier a lump forms at the back of my throat and i feel like crying. but then i dont becoz i no if i cry that i will be faced with alot more questions in my mind. id be questioned on the type of person i am.. and sometimes my brain isnt able to cope with all these thoughts.. and im scared to release my emotions in fear of new questions.. ones in which i have never faced before. a new unknown...