ѕυммєя иιgнтѕ

It is officially spring, and im not happy. My memory gets triggered by all sorts of things. Smells, sounds, songs, etc. Even weather apparently. Tonight, theres this heatness in the air, the sounds from outside, the atmosphere. It just reminds me of a time where i was happy, when i didnt know what would become of it. Now i know better, and just remembering, makes me sad. Last year, at this time, we were finishing high school. We were graduating. We were about to sit the most important exams in our lives. It was such a stressful time, in my life. I dont want to remember. Last year, Last Spring, Last September. I was different. I was able to feel. Now, im a blob. This summery type of night, reminds me that i am alone - bymyself. No one can help me. There is no control. No control over the weather, no way to keep cool; no way to control my thoughts. Its weird, Im weird, i know. People try to help me, give me advice, make suggestions to change who i am. But it doesnt work. I know what i want, i know how to achieve it, yet i dont wana act like someone im not, and do things that i wouldnt normally do. So i stay the same. And stay boring, and weird. Do i (or does anyone) have the right to complain that i dont have what i want, without actually trying to achieve it? Or trying in a way, you know not possible.