мιѕѕιиg - ωнєяє αяє уσυ؟

"Sometimes you just can't explain to someone what your feeling inside, why the tears run from you eyes, or even what caused you to cry. Sometimes the feeling your holding within is a pain with no language of words, it's something not even you understand, but nothing compares to the hurt. Sometimes the cut that lies in your heart is a wound to great to be healed and the person you've always turned to in life is a person who's no longer here. Sometimes life's to much to deal with and you need someone to care, but when you turn to scream for help you realize no ones there. Sometimes when your desperate and no longer see the light, when your voice is tired of screaming and you're ready to end the fight, that's when your heart begins to write pathetic lines, that rhyme, which no one seems to understand, so your soul continuously cries."

i found that on this space. I can relate to that so well.
I dunno whats wrong with me. I have no idea. I feel so out-of-place. I thought i was over all of this. But i guess im not. Im beginning to think and think and overthink. I hate it. I wish i didnt think, i wish i didnt have the ability to worry. I wish i didnt care.I hate it. I hate being like this.
I wanna be different. I dont wana be the good one anymore. I wana do somethin extreme so people dont think of me like i am. I wanna be different. But then that becomes a problem, i already feel im different from some people. I feel like i dont fit in anywhere. I dont know what im meant to do. I feel like im stuck in between to worlds atm. The world i love my safe world, and the new world i wana experience. The people in both worlds are different. I just wish that both worlds were the same, i wish that i could fit into both. I wish i wasnt different. I wana be different enough to fit entirely in one world, but i want bits from both worlds. I feel split between who i am, and who i wana be.
Its holidays next week. Im so annoyed like really annoyed that my plans have been ruined. I wanted to go out every single day, i wanted to make a scedule and everything. I wanted to have fun, and actually have a fun holiday. Not just spend it at home, stressin over the work i have to do before i start uni again. But now, i cant do any of that. Everyones busy, have tafe, or school. And its too hard to try and organise around everyones timetables. I cant b bothered. I just wish that stuff i wanted would just happen. and i didnt need to plan them, or organise them. I think im just annoyed at myself for making unrealistic goals for the holiday. Its not like my friends would wanna hang with me every single day every single minute. Everyone has their own lives. I hate that, i wish that everyone could just be there when i wanted. I know thats selfish. But argh. i cant explain it. If i was busy, then i wouldnt have to think. If my friends were around, i would b distracted.
Arghh and i have no feelings. I duno whats wrong with me. Spring is in the air, which means love. Everywhere i look, new couples r forming. People are liking people. crushes and infatuations. I feel like so lost. I feel like i dont belong. I have no feelings, i wana like but i cant. Whats wrong with me? Ive been hurt so much, but i just wana get over it. I want something new. I just wana b alive again.