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i went to bed at 5 last nite.. at 9 my grandma called my fone.. i have no idea wat she wanted.. i think to talk to my mum.. all i can remember is that she was speaking assyrian.. and wats strange is that i was replyin to her in assyrian and kinda speaking fluently.. thats really weird because i usually stumble with words... i no assyrian problem is its in my head and when i try to pronounce the word i hesitate and get it wrong.. maybe wen im half asleep my brain doesnt have time to double think the word and i just speak out gettin the word right.. isnt that amazing? hmmz anywayz she called me n i remember gettn outa bed walkin around all upstairs.. then ran down to look for my mum.. went outside.. all while my eyes r half shut.. and then i ran bak upstairs n bak in bed.. i woke up again at like 12-1 or sumthin.. it was really hot and stuffy in my room and i didnt get a really good sleep..
my cuzin was over been over since thursday night.. hehe we were talkin last nite and sumthings been really annoyin me.. i no she didnt mean it in that way but its still buggin me..
theres this assyrian party on the 12th of feb... for valentines day.. and shes goin with her bf.. and our frend goin with her bf.. and she wants me to go.. but i really really dont wanna go.. and not becoz i have no1 to go with.. i just find goin to those kinda things really boring.. and only fairfield tts go :S but anywayz she thought i didnt wana go coz i have no1 to go with and she started to give me advice to find some1.. shes like be more open.. wen ur walkin on the streets look at guyz directly bla blah all this bullshit.. and then shes like u should always walk around with someone whos uglier than you... and i was like omg.. i walk around with u everywhere we go.. r u like usin me coz im ugly or sumthin like wtf.. i didnt actually say anythin to her bout it.. i was just like so is that y u walk with me.. but she laughed it off as a joke.. i got offended.. but it was the middle of the night/early morning.. so u no could b honest bimbo moment and all that.. coz every1 says stuff wen theyre dead tired.. but i duno its still stuck on me and its really annoyin.. :S
anywayz today i was on the net with her like most the day.. (net junkies 23Q) haha but i was watchin the way she would talk to guyz.. shes gota kinda a flirty language.. she doesnt mean to but its natural.. for example she calls every1 hunz.. babe.. mwahz every1 and all that kinda stuff.. i wana b like that so that guyz n that can think of me differently.. wait that doesnt make sense.. it sounded really bad.. i mean most guyz i talk to see me as just a friend.. and not as a possiblity.. maybe its the way i talk to them.. i dunno...but its really :S
i feel like i always miss my chance.. and i move really really slowly.. theres some girls who just talk to a guy for a couple weeks and then meet up and wateva.. with me.. i take my time i could talk to someone for months n months n still not mention meeting up with them..but i feel uncomfortable.. and shy.. if they wana meet me wouldnt they tell me first.. if they were interested...? so id rather not mention it coz if they havent yet then theyre not interested in me and i dont wanna get myself in a complicated situation of one sided feelings bla bla.. :S wateva i have no idea wat im talkin bout.. im kinda gettin sick of my whole attitude and i wanna learn how to be more open with stuff like that and not worry as much bout wat the other person thinks of me..
im such a hypocrit (spell check).. i always give advice to people.. "u shouldnt care what people think of you"... "walk round and dont worry what they say or if they look at u".. "if u dont take chances ur neva gona get anywhere".. i never listen to it.. its easier to say than to do *sigh* so depressin lolz
im kinda annoyed i was lookin forward to goin out on wednesday but then my frend baked out coz shes goin out with some other frend of hers.. :( i really wanted to go outttt... and now im stuck home again.. i wanted a change i wanted to take a risk be naughty.. haha sneak out lolz all that stuff... but nooo not gona happen.. im stuck at home.. same old boring routine :(
omg i feel really sickkk soo demented :S ive got the flu, headache, sore tummy, dizziness, sore throat... then i got emotional problems lolz... its the damn weather... really hot.. then i put aircon on... and i cant leave it on coz i get brain freezes/headaches from it.. and i sleep with the fan on with like singlet n no blankets.. so of course im gona get sick.. so spasticated in the head n body.. farkkkk
anywayz there goes yet another long boring blog which nobody reads :P just had to let it all out *screeeeeaaaaaaaaaammmmmmmmmzzzzz* hmmz feelin kinda better... nite nite byez mwaz ;)
ps... im soooo jealous of somethin and i dont wana be arghhhh let it out ... breathe... relax... arghhh not feelin any better... its my fault i missd my chance.. okz wateva... arghhhhh