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everytime i go to write a blog.. i just stop and think that i shouldnt.. i feel really lost and weird these days.. the other day i kinda had a breakdown.. alot of things were on me and i had to let them out.. this included me cryin non stop infront of a few people... writin lettas of hate.. umm bein quiet.. getn lost.. who knows.. ive been havin all different emotions..
this morning i had a dream.. a tsunami hit.. i was in the car with a few people.. my frends i think.. and we were drving tryin 2 race home.. next i was at home.. and i was tryin 2 get my dogs upstairs.. next i was in my room on my bed all alone.. my house was empty.. and water was everywhere.. i felt suffocated and alone.. really alone and sad.. when i woke up i had this weird attitude and feeling.. like i have to say everything on my mind.. becoz u dont no whats goin to happen 2moro.. it makes me sad that i dont have anything to tell or to say.. im so scared of what mite happen if i tell someone what i feel or wateva.. im really confused..

Sometimes I'm confused

About this thing I have for you

It makes me a little crazy

Putting me in this mood

I want to be on my own but

Then I want you home

You make me feel good

But I'd rather be all alone

Confused - Blackstreet.. describes exactly how i feel bout someone or thing.. whateva.. i am really confused.. i dont wanna be alone.. but i am scared of bein ignored.. what happens if i tell some1 how i feel and they dont feel the same way and it ruins wateva we have.. im really confused..

i feel really lost.. and alone.. my frends r all everywhere.. and i havent talked to any of them properly in ages.. some of them havent even bothered 2 talk 2 me.. i msgd pam merry xmas n happy new year.. 2 msgs.. and she hasnt bothered to call of msg bak.. i wonder why.. i talked 2 steven n she called him wen she found out her results for accounting.. i wonder why she hasnt called... i miss my frends so much!! i wanna c them n talk 2 them.. if ur readin this.. hello im here dont 4get about me with ur busy lives... im still here.. stable..stagnant (lol @ ms kim business).. at home most of the time.. goin crazy from boredom..

i know how i should be feeling.. i no how i want to feel.. but i cant seem to be like that.. i know i shouldnt have certain feelings.. but i feel them.. my whole mind and heart are goin crazy and not listenin 2 what should be happening..

does it hurt when someone u may have feelins for tells u they like someone else? maybe im feelin hurt.. but that someone is someone i shouldnt have feeling for.. omg see how confused i am! arghhh.. i need some professional help.... "DR PHIL" (haha white chicks)

i feel isolated.. thats the word.. everyday i wake up.. and my only connection to the outside world is through the net.. and even with that i dont have the ability to reach people.. my fone is quiet.. no one bothers to call me.. and if i call it doesnt seem right.. and i cant call becoz every1 workin or busy and i dont wana disturb them..

skool starts in 3 weeks!! omg.. so close.. i really want it to hurry up and start just so i can have a rountine to my life and get things back on track.. but then i dont want it to come bcoz of all the work and pressure to do my school work and do well..

i just remembered my mum n dad havent even seen my report for yr 11.. my mum asked about it and all i said was na i dont want uz to c it.. and she just left it.. so weird.. i think they forgot about me.. everyone forgets me.. im not special to any1.. i dont wanna be everyones everything.. just someones somthing.. thats how i feel!

i wanna be someones sumthin.. :S now if theres someone out there.. im here :D haha jokes.. hmmz... i feel really sick in my tummy now...

You don't know how sick you make me

You make me fuckin' sick to my stomach

Every time I think of you, I puke

You must just not know--whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa

You may not think you do, but you do

Every time I think of you

hmmz :S not feelin good at all.. just talkin to someone.. and gettin hurt n they dont even no thats wat theyre doin to me.. but maybe not.. it was a guy.. shitness.. goin crazy... *sigh* i think thats enough bloggin.. but my minds racing.. if i stop bloggin i have nothin 2 do.. except sleep.. and i dont wana sleep i wana make the most of talkin to a few people.. every chance i have.. y should i waste my time sleeping? when i can talk? ahooo lol i may have missd a chance of telln someone a secret.. interruptions.. shitness.. i just remembered my to-do-list for the holidays.. i havent accomplished even half of it.. all ive done is say thank u to someone.. i havent heard a secret or told one either..

waaaa im wastin my life.. i wana accomplish something.. anywayz.. thats enough bloggin.. i mite go waste my time playin gunbound...:(

byez xoxoxox

ps.. someone plz comment n tell me wat u think of my craziness.. someone.. anyone.. can u hear me?