ѕсаяєd

its new years eve eve.. omg.. 2moro is the last day of 2004.. i am really really scared to face the new year.. im not prepared.. i dont think ive even gotton over this years changes and things i duno how im gona cope with a whole new year of problems and changes.. im not ready for it.. i still havent accomplished anything.. i just feel hopeless.. ive done alot this year.. but sumthings missing.. i have no idea wat it is.. but i feel empty inside and not very happy and full..
next year is gona be so different.. i am gona be in year 12.. my hsc more hw more studying.. no more going out.. (haha if u can keep me at home..) i just realised i dont wanna do year 12 at all.. i dont wana do the hsc.. i dont think my hearts in it.. my mind and heart are wild and they have been trapped by walls.. it cant escape.. im stuck in this horrible world where i have to stay inside and do work i cant explore..
im scared of alot of things.. new changes, problems, spiders, cockaroaches, mice, relationships, being lonely, on my own, fires, floods, droughts, famine, war, parents fighting, family fighting, freinds fighting.. omg so many things.. i duno how my brain handles them.. sumtimes i think to much and i cant breathe properly.. sometimes i cant sleep coz i over think.. i cant even handle some of these things.. i cant control what happens.. i have no affect on what happens.. i cant control them.. im even scared of not bein able to control these things...
atm im sittin here waitin 2 talk 2 some1 good.. but i dont think anyones goin to come online.. i really want some1 to make me laugh.. but i have to sleep early tonight and im not gona stay up waitin..
anywayz today i went fairfield.. got my nails taken off.. finally.. feel clean n fresh now.. manicure :D.. then went to bonnirigg... then my grandmas.. got home at around 10pm.. i had a pretty busy day.. shoppin for tommorrow for nye house party.. yay my mum bought me bicardi lime flavoured.. haha she goes im only allowed to have 1 bottle.. but y buy 4 bottles.. wen im goin 2 be like the only one allowed to drink it? haha im evil.. oh wellz.. i dont smoke dont do drugz.. y cant i have a drink for a special occasion?
hmmz.. i mite play a few games of gunbound before i go to sleep.. nite nite