вє ωιтнσυт уσυ

ok, recap. last saturday, not the one two days ago. Went movies & max brenners. yum thursday went parra and pancakes on the rocks. yum yum. This weekend. Saturday had Kathryns 19th costume bday party. Occupations. All sisters were invited + Diana and her bf. Got there around 3pm. went had lunch, came n helped set up. Party rocked. Had alot to drink. Had fun. Sister hooked up. Other sister got drunk and puked. Cant remember much about that night, or sunday. And now i feel like shit. Grrr! But who cares. Suppressing memories will do the job. Dad shits me. Full yelled in the backyard to get diana n her bf outa our house. So embarassing. They heard and went for a walk n called later on so i could take them home. He has issues. My birthday is shittin me to. Why did i organise somethin without confirming with my friends first. i
edit: grr i had a full thing written then when i posted ^^^^ that was all that saved. fucken pissed off grr
well anywayz as i was saying. i love those who have let me know if they can come or not. i wish i hadnt orgnaised it. hardly any1 can come stay at the cabin for the weekend except for anna. so its just gona b us two.. hehe... hmm i knew when i organised it, it would b difficult for some people to make it for the weekend, thats why i had an option of them coming to jamberoo and just spend 1 day with me. is that so much to ask? i guess it is. gona have to cancel that if no1 replies coz its hard to organise somethin when no1s going. omg uni startin next week. the most shittiest timetable ever. on thursdays i have to stay till 10pm. im dreadly the drive home half asleep. im so scared im not gona know any1 at all this semester. and the work load. i hate uni. im not made to study. i cant study. its gona b so aweful. some weird oldish guy on msn is actually some1 from unis brother. i wonder who. grr givin out my email addy without askin first. hmm my friend went to newcastle today. im so lost and confused. i dont know whats wrong with me i duno why i feel. im already bored and its only been 1 day. oh and how come i feel. why do i hear about things from the past, or people i should say. and i just feel. and care. why do i care. whats my problem. im so confused. why cant i just say what i want. why cant i tell those that shit me that they do, and why cant i tell those i care about that i do. and why am i lost. why do i have to be confused. why cant i just go back to before, when it was peacefulish. when i didnt think or feel. when i didnt know of this pain and drama. Why am i doomed with these feelings. i am so confused and i dont know if im ever gona be able to figure it out. deep down i know what i want. but what i want i cant have, becoz its gona hurt. and i dont wana get hurt. i wana be emotionless i wana just be. why cant i just be with no feelings.

ωну ∂σ ωє ρℓαу тнєѕє gαмєѕ?

Why do we play these games? Why is life a constant competition? Why is it that as soon as you realise whats going on, everything changes? Why is it that no one is around when you need them? Why is life full of these unanswerable questions that play constantly through my head? Why are the guyz u want not good for you and the ones you dont like always around? Why is it that when you crave something, and you eat it, you feel guilty afterwards? Why cant i go one day without thinking or feeling? Why is it hard to admit how you feel? Why cant you tell me you care? Why is it that when i have nothing to do, i have endless time; but when i have a million things to do, i can never find the time to do it? Why do i not have everything i want? Why do things come so easy to some, and hard to grasp for others? Why cant i say what i want? Why cant i say how i feel? Why do i refuse to reveal how i feel and wear a mask so others cannot see? Why do i feel so alone, when im sure there are many other people who feel the same way? Why am i studying when i dont even like to study? Why do i not seem to fit in, in any circumstances? Why have i changed and become someone not original? Why am i different to you and to others? Why am i not able to sleep early? Why cannot i wake up before 1pm? Why did i have a blackout for 2 whole hours, when noone else knew that darkness existed?

ι ∂σит ωαииα вє α fℓу

I Went roxys last night with belinda and my cuz... after all the initial dramas, it tured out to be a pretty relaxin night. Im so lost at the moment. Tired. Confused. Lost. Starting to feel alittle stressed and anxious about uni startin.. my bday is coming up, with alot of other peoples bdays too. Few parties to go to. My own thing to organise. If anyone actually decides to go. Hurts my brain to think so much. I know what i want, i know what i want to say. But it all comes out as bleh. Confusion. Annoyance. Irratation. Then i think of the possibilites. Happyness. Excitement. Nervousness. Just trying to find my place in this world.

нσω тσ ѕανє α ℓιfє...

Kinda shitty atm.. my dad gives me the shits.. grrr.. yells at me coz i didnt pick up my sister when i wasnt supposed to. Just coz her ride back was runnin late i had to leave at 1:30am just to pick her up.. and he also yells at me coz i didnt let my mum borrow my car.. like wtf.. i did.. and he cant control what i do with my own things.. i can let whoever i want borrow my own stuff.. he has no right to yell at me. =( and im annoyed at my sister for giving him a reason to yell at me.. of course she doesnt get in trouble for the one being late back home.. i do.. becoz i didnt think to pick her up instead! breathe..
Anywayz.. so bored and tired.. went livo today.. these lil kids.. well lil to me.. asked my sis for her number.. and then they saw us.. and she went in a shop. while she was buyin somethin i went and waited outside.. they came up to me and asked bout her.. omg.. one was 17.. but they looked 15 or somethin.. and one of them is like "is she shy?" muahaha.. im like she doesnt wana talk 2 u... and they told me to go c what she was doin.. and i got her.. and we walked in a different direction.. i felt mean.. but it was funny..
my sisters start school this week.. grr what am i gona do? Have to plan my bday n stuff... sleep alot.. and eat as usual.. play a game or two.. hmm lame stuff..
maybe i should sleep soon.. thatd b a good idea.. Bye bye

gσиє fιѕнιи'

On Thursday, me and amy went fishing with my friend n his friend. We went to Berowra Waters. It was a river down in like a valley type thing.. If you looked up and around there were like massive hills/mountains or somethin covered in bush and trees. We got a boat, and attempted to fish for a little bit.. But it was more fun just sittin down watchin them fish. Hehe cant explain how tired i felt afterwards.. and hot and yucky.. But i had fun.. It was like the day never happend.. It was like a dream or somethin, but only because its somethin i would have never done on my own. So now it seems like it didnt happen. So out of routine, it was good to try something different. =) Hehe his friend half fell in the water when he was gettin off the boat. That was soo soo funny..! anywayz.. then on friday.. i went shopping to buy my cousin a bday pressie.. and we went to her house afterwards.. On saturday night was her 18th.. i picked up Diana, and her bf and we went.. then we had to go get some lights for the hall, and i also had to pick up the bfs friends.. Felt sorry for my cuz coz hardly anyone showed up. Well, alot of people came.. But not all those that she was expecting. Anywayz the bf's friends wanted to checkout some other party.. So we left just as it was ending.. I had 7 people in my car on the way back. It was so scary, i thought i was gona get pulled over.. I saw like 4 cop cars with their sirens on.. Lucky we got by safely.. Anywayz the party turned out to be ending as soon as we got there.. so we just ended up goin to her bfs house to play pool. Didnt play, just watched.. But it was alright.. So by the end of it, dropped every1 back to where they belonged.. I got home at about 4:30am.. Today was spent at home, just chillaxin' coz had an argument with my parents and i was in a stinky mood and i didnt feel like goin anywhere..
Omg i forgot to mention that on Saturday morning when i woke up, i found a sheep in my backyard!! ok i didnt exactly "find" it, because my dad's cousin brought it over... but it scared me because i wasnt expecting it.. And yeh, its in our backyard coz he doesnt have anywhere to keep it.. I think he might want to eat it =S im so scared of it.. It headbutted my doggy!!! so my dog isnt allowed outside while its there.. well iwont let him go outside just in case.. Yah... anywayz.. tomorrow.. (monday)... prob gona b a bummy day again.. i should sleep now..
Goodnight <3>

נσв нυитιи

today, i met amy at livo at 11pm and we went job huntin... we left our resumes at like 2 places, had lunch with Pam and went to Parra. At parra we only left our resume at one place.. Oh wellz, i guess its better than nothin, and who knows, we might be lucky.. Im so sleepy and tired. I think im just gona go watch some Gilmore Girls for awhile and maybe get an early night.
Bye Byez Luv Sam xoxo

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

so before the 1st day of 2007 is over (i have 8 minutes left), i shall describe nye. Firstly Prameeta picked me up at 5. Then we picked up Akansha. Then we went and put petrol. Then we went to Lidcome station and parked the car. Lol.. play by play.. We caught the train which was empty basically. Them we got off at town hall where we waited for Krishy and Jason and his cousin. We headed to circular quay. When we got there we were faced with a mass of people. We headed down to circular quay watched the 9'oclock fireworks, and walked down to george st to eat maccas. Got a taxi back to half way down george st, and walked the rest of the way to watch the midnight fireworks. It was so cool. Then we walked all the way to darling harbour so i can go see my friend lol. And then him n his friends drove us to Oxford street were they wanted to go to a club, but coz my feet hurt, we ended up at gloriajeans for coffee and drinks. Then my friend drove us to Lidcome and Prameeta showed us her old school and stuff on the way home.
Ok so thats what we did. This is what happened. We saw 4 fights i think it was. 2 people get arrested.

• we were walkin from circular quay to darling harbour.. n these guys were kinda followin us.. but not in a creepy way. and there were ppl fighting on the footpath ahead of us. so the guyz went and made a baracade type thing so we could get through without gettin hurt. That was really nice
• We got followed with this guy sayin happy new year and wanted a free hug from us all, and his friend wanting hi5s, so yeh he eventually left us alone.
• We got hugged from very random cute guys
• some guy told me i was his favourite. Never met this guy in my life haha
• Random love and random requests to smile.

hmm they say that the how u spend nye is how ur gona spend the rest of the year. I think we felt loved last night, so hopefully the year will be the same. anywayz i wish everyone a good year full of fun and joy. Stay Happy Luv Sam xoox

ι ℓσνє уσυ вυт ι нανє ¢нσѕєи ∂αякиєѕѕ

It's just one of them days,
When I wanna be all alone.
It's just one of them days,
Don't take it personal.
I just wanna be all alone,
and you think I treat you wrong.
I am so tired. The end. Haha well its Saturday night, and ive spent Thursday, Friday and all day today shopping. I went shopping with Prameeta on Wednesday as well. Grr so much shopping, and im so tired. Andd still not finished. Im too tired to even write. But yeh, i have to let some stuff go.. I just feel like running under a shell and hiding like a turtle. Everyday i do something or nothing, then hits midnight.. and i cant remember what i did, and the day that had just ended feels like it was pointless. Going church tomorrow night, and i dont wana go because of all the people, and the weather (though i love this rainy coldy weather ill prob get wet standin outside waitin to go in). And then christmas lunch at my uncles house, which not every family are going to be there because of stuff.. Then boxing day family bbq at my house, all day running after lil cousins. Im tired just thinkng about it. And all the cleaning we've been doing just for a few days, and the house gets trashed anywayz. And then new years eve, and i still dont know what im doing. Im to tired to think about it. I know i want to do something, anything. But what? and i dont want to go to a club or the city, which is where normal people want to go. But im too tired. I really want to go to a park, and sit on a nice picnic rug, with ablanket on top of me, nice fresh food, and just lie down and look at the stars and fireworks. Away from people, under the nights sky. But im too tired to look for a secluded park with visibility to fireworks. =( I want to go on a holiday, then i have no one to go with, and im too tired to bother organising that and asking people. Why cant what i want just happen? Argh my brain, my body, my soul are tired. I just cant be bothered. I want to be connected to share to be with to think alike. I want. Everyone has christmas wishes and lists. All i want is someone. And no, i dont have anyone in mind. Not even romanticalism, Just someone. Its hard to explain. But atleast i know what i mean.
This year is nearly over i cant even count the amount of days, but soon. And this past year i have changed, i have forgotten who i was. I once was an individual, i was strong, i was creative, i was me. Now i am someone else, i follow and have forgotten how to lead. Therefore, my new years resoultion is to be me.
People say its selfish to only think about yourself and what you want. But sometimes worrying about everyone else and their lives, and how their lives affect you, makes u tired. so the best thing to do is be alone, and by urself. I know that this wont last, and tomorrow when i wake, i will be back to thinking all the time, but for atleast the next hour before i go to bed let me enjoy this not thinking and just being in the moment.

вυяи fσя мє

on thursday i went to the beach with Belinda.. and i got soo soo sunburnt.. the worst ive ever been burnt.. so ive spent the past two days at home. with minimal movement and clothes.. lol sounds so funny.. my i have to like lie on my tummy.. cant really sit down too much coz the back on my knees are so burnt!!. and just wearin a singlet hurts my shoulders.. ouchy.. tried so many creams.. aloe vera,cucumber,, and the grape seed one amy recommended.. when finally i just settled on good ol' sorbolene.. which seems to be doin the trick.. and am now able to walk up stairs.. with only a little bit of pain.. im hopin by 2moro mornin ill be able to sit coz i wana drive! lol.. anywayz yep thats it.. oh yeh and i passed all my subjects.. yay :D i was so scared.. what a relief... goodnight :D

єνєяу иιgнт ιѕ αиσтнєя ѕтσяу

Your life's a solo run, and even the crowd that's cheering you want you to fall over. They love you when you win, but they love it even better when you lose. - John Marsden
Every night is another story. The day keeps me busy, then nights come around and i start to think. I thought i was over this. But now, the more time i have, the worse i feel. The only solution is to keep myself busy. Ive been reading books, but i think thats only made things worse. It makes me think even more. Then i cant sleep. And im back to where i was once before.
Its like a part of me knows whats happening, it knows whats wrong, it knows what i want. But i cant seem to fix it. That part isnt strong enough alone to fix the other part thats so lost and confused. Its like my life has been re-winded and im back here again. I can see what is going to happen, i know whats to come and i cant seem to fix it. I dont want to continue this routine, but i cant seem to stop it or escape. I wana keep living in this dream world. Why now? why do i have to wake up now? Why is it hitting me now? Why cant reality just piss off and leave me alone? Then i look at this entry, and i look at my past entries.. and it makes me wana continue in my dream land.. Ive become something i dont wana be. I dont wana be like this, i dont want to complain, i dont wana face how i feel. Why cant i just run?

ι gσт тнιѕ ι¢євσχ ωнєяє му нєαят υѕє∂ тσ вє ...

so theres been alot on my mind lately.. and i duno what ive been doing, but i cant seem to let it out. Im not able to write how i feel anymore. It feels as though i cant say what i want, because i just dont want to be that sad person anymore. I cant be the weak one, I HAVE to be the strong one. I cant let people know how i feel, because they think something is completely wrong with the world, and they just feel worse. I cant let anyone know. I cant. I hate not being able to feel, coz i know that one day im gona break. i dont want that to happen. My holidays started not even 5 days ago, and im bored. I have no aspiration in life atm. I have no goals, i dont have anything i want or need to do. Im stuck in limbo, until someone comes and saves me. I need someone, am i just waiting and dreaming for nothing? I need hope, but im scared to hope, just in case nothing changes.
I wana know whats going on, i wana know what this is, i wana know how i feel , and how he feels and whats happenin, but what happens when ur stuck in this routine, and ur becomming friends, and thats it.. its not my fault i dont know how i feel. its my life. i cant feel, i cant get involved, i cant do anythin because i have no goals. I thought that living every day as it comes would help get through, and it has. but its left me with nothing and no one. I dont know what to do. and this not knowing scares me.

мσσиℓιgнт ѕнα∂σω

Today, i had my last exam for the year. Its over, and i dont wana think about what im gona do when i get all my results back with fails. Im scared, but id rather not think about it atm, and deal with it as it comes. Im so sleepy, the past two days i woke up at 4:30am to study and left home at 6:45 to get to uni at 8. Then had exams at 8:30. I am so tired and sleepy, and on top of that i am extremerly sick. Im on antibiotics for a really bad cough and swollen tonsil. =(
My brain has so many thoughts in it, but im too sleepy to deal with any of it. I need to write a list and organise my thoughts so i can have a stressfree holiday. Maybe ill just read a book that i borrowed from the library when i was tryin to avoid studyin. Procrastination is an art in which i am skilled.
Hmmz, anywayz im tired and confused, and too many thoughts to write down right now.
Till next time, Samantha
xoxo

Guilt & Sickness

Feel so guilty, havent studied at all yet. and i have two exams, on tues and wed. i hate uni, i dont wana do any work, i cant wait till the holidays. i just realised i wana b alone on new years eve, i plan to go somewhere isolated, and lie down in a park with my ipod alone. Thats how i plan to spend it. i dont wana be with people i dont want to talk to anyone, i just want to be by myself. update. went iceskatin, movies (borat), maccas yesterday. Spent friday, drivin round parra, church st maccas a few times, roxys, krispey kremes n maccas in livo.

Let's waste time chasing cars

Today, i worked with my aunty, i cant believe how physically tired i am. Just about 12 hours non-stop work, with barely even 5 minutes break to sit down. Atleast we finished on time. The picture on the right is the finished result sorta. its hard to see, but tthe main table area has material on the roof, the main table has fairy lights n stuff, there are bamboo sticks with butterlies on it, and on the roof as well, and i did the two pots of trees. Hehe dont they look like real pot plants? They really are, two large empty sorta hard plastic brown pots, full of this stuff startin with O, and heaps of single branches of this type of plant. And i had to stick them inside the special things and make them stand, and spread out like a tree. Do they look good? Hmmz anywayz today i had to put knives, forks, spoons, napkins, plates, 4 different types of glasses, tealights (candles), table numbers,and all these other things on about 53 tables, which equaled 530 people. Plus i had to do some chair covers n ribbons. Below, you can see an aerial view of some of the tables.

yeh, so that was my day. Long and tiring. And my cousin Shane may have broken his pinkie finger while decorating this cruise ship with my mum!. Damn poor him. And i got to see Joe who i havent seen in ages. Aww he came to work when he had a date. Then his gf got pissed off at him for doggin her coz they were meant to go to a bbq together. lol

Yeh and i really really wana dye

my hair blonde, and i found a pic of my perfect "dream hair" its over there ------>

a few people have told me not to go full blonde, but i dont see whats wrong with it. I dont really care if it doesnt suit me, i just want a change. I dont wana be who i am anymore. Whats wrong with bein blonde? i reckon its prettyful. Just wonder if my hair will look like her hair, coz its so straight, and i luv the cut as well. Not sure if i can have the exact thing. Oh wellz, maybe ill become a gradual blonde.. Dunno. Any

ideas?

hehe, im so bored, just waitin to see if anyone interestin comes online at this late hour.. bleh okz.. Enough babblin tonight

Samantha

xoxoxo

"Hello, my name is borat. Pause. Nooot"

hehe, omg Borat is so extremely funny!! i did not stop laughin throughout it, except for maybe a little disturbing scene, involving naked men on top of each other, coz i got a tiny bit scared. But omggg so funny!! Loved it!!..
so today, i woke up, at 1:30 after a bad dream about a father n son havin a car crash then dying. But then they turned into ghosts, and i was one of the ghosts, and we were trashing some house!. woke up, went to pick up Nat and diana from school. Came home. Then went to pick up amanda from Livo station. Came home for like 1 minute. Then went to a car auction, but such a rip off. They were old cars selling for the price they came out as. Nonone was even bidding, so funny. The auctioneer kept giggling coz no1 was buyin anythin. then i came home. Got ready, left with my sisters embarking on a journey to see Borat. I put petrol, and yay nothin bad happened this time. Then went off to search for culture club in fairfiled, where i was to pick up Ashton. Lol. then we drove quickly to make it to the cinemas at 10:15. We got there with 3 min to spare. But the line was so long. It was so packed. We finally bought our tickets. Went upstairs. Then the lady refused us entry!!! omg i felt like crying so much. She said that we need parent supervision for my cousin n sisters coz i was only 18 and not a guardian. We went downstairs after asmall debate and argument, and asked to return our tickets and all the food we bought lol. The food returning was funny. But the guy who took the ticket, remmebered me from when i bought them and asked if i told her i was 18 n stuff. then he went to talk to someone. And he came up with us, and told the lady who seemed like the manager, that we were allowed in. Yay. lol but it was so bad coz we all felt like shit by then, but as soon as we walked in, we didnt miss anythin, cinema was packed. But we found four seats at the back row. Yay we were so lucky, good seats, and didnt miss a minute of the movie. Anywayz, i really recommend it. Its so satirical and so funny. I actually found myself feelin sorry for Borat. awww... and ewww. and hehehe.
"My suit is black....
........
........
.......
NOT!"
lol.. poor chicken and bear.. and pamela anderson.
ok ok enough now.. gota sleep, have work tomorrowz with my aunty.
Goodnight, sweetdreamz
Luv Samantha xoox

¢яαѕн

Today my mum woke me up at 1 coz i had a phone call. It was Prameeta, yay what a good way to be woken up. Lol =) It was good talkin to you, i feel bad i havent called you in ages. I went to Fairfield, and bought some dvds n stuff.. then went to pick up my sisters. Then i went to pick up my cousin and we went to the movies at stockies. Santa Clause 3, it was a good cute movie. I love christmas movies. Tomorrow i have to go to an auction with my dad at around 6.. then gona go pick up my cuz, and take him n my sisters to the movies to watch Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan. Hehe session at 10:15pm at stockies, if anyone wants to come =) cant wait, wanna see it so much.. its so funny. Omg i bought family guy season 1 and 2, soo soo funny.. Oh watch "Crash", its so good. Its sad, and a little disturbing but it leaves you thinking.
"It's the sense of touch. In any real city, you walk, you know? You brush past people, people bump into you. In L.A., nobody touches you. We're always behind this metal and glass. I think we miss that touch so much, that we crash into each other, just so we can feel something."
- opening lines of the movie. Its really deep and meaningful, i recommend it to everyone =P
anywayz msn has been annoying me so much, coz it hasnt been workin too good. Emailing is an ok alternative, except it takes to long, and you get sleepy..
Anywayz, thats enough.. Just wanted to update.
Bye byez
Luv Samantha xoxo

ѕтяιкє συт

yesterday, my mum woke me up around 8am. Then again at around 10. Then i woke up at 12. Spent the day playin games, and watchin movies. Then at 5:45, left the house, dropped my mum n nat off at my cousins house. Then went to Austral to drop of amanda at some guyz party. Then went bowling for annas bday. Yay it was so fun. Played two games, in the first one i came second n then i came last. lol. oh yeh, and i won a free game for gettin a strike. I like bowling. After lots of people left, i took shelly home. Wow she lives so far away.. not really far. but seemed far coz of that one long road. and she said i was actually an alright driver. Yay =). then i went to pick up my sister, except i missed the turn-off.. maybe on purpose. coz it was too early to pick her up. So i went to kfc n just sat in the car for awhile, called her n asked her if she wanted to go home yet. She didnt, so i went to the party n decided to bum there for a bit. Omg so many goths/punks/emos/people dressed in alot of black with bands on them. Hehe. I saw Ferraris, Rhys, and matthew.S. hehe no wonder jason didnt go to annas! he was good, hadnt had one thing to drink. But every1 else were kinda gone... My sis was a lil tipsy, so had to wait around till her friends went home n she settled down a bit. Felt so out of place coz i was wearin like a yellow dress, next to about 50 ppl in black. But dw jason tried to get me inside the conversations by talking about trees, that conversation lasted a whole 10 seconds. Cameron was so drunk it was funny coz he didnt know he was, i told him to go eat n drink lots of water.. Hehe i felt like a mum. I had fun yesterday. Woke up at 11:55am today, the time ive been waking up this past few days. 11:55am, because 12am doesnt meen 12 noon, it means midnight. And ive made that mistake many times before, and slept in till about 1 or 2pm.. =S I better change my sleepin patterns, been sleepin around 3am.. or later. and waking up late. Not good for me at all.. =)
Anywayz, my hands are sore now from too much typing and playin games, and bowling..
Luv Sam xoxo

му ℓιfє αѕ α qυσтє...

Jean Paul Getty once said: Going to work for a large company is like getting on a train - Are you going sixty miles an hour or is the train going sixty miles an hour and you're just sitting still?
Am i in life moving with it, or am i sitting still while life moves leaving me behind??

вυт ιтѕ вєттєя ιf уσυ dσ...

On tuesday went bowlin.. Wednesday got my ps, went stockies, Thursday went stockies.. Belinda got her friend to request songs 4 me haha funny, Friday, uni, Krispy Kremes, mounties, Saturday Fairfield, Livo, Parra.. Sunday home..
Hmmm,,, im so like bleh atm.. its so weird.. finally got my laptop hooked up wirelessly.. so good.. stuvac is this week.. i duno whats goin on these days with anythin. i dont even know how im feeling.. like my brain isnt even working.. i duno how im livin each day.. ican barely remember what i did today.. thats y i wrote down a quick list of things just so i can remember 2moro.. i hate forgetting stuff :S
I cant explain what im thinking, or feeling.. but i wana run away.. i dont wana face anythin. i have exams comin up. so much pressure and stress for 4 days.. not even 12 hours altogether. Why? Why? whyyy?? I dont wana study.. i just wana go out... i wana sit and play games and watch movies without feeling guilty..
i wana go out, i wana pierce my nose or tongue or chin or get a tat.. i wana drink n do drugs n be bad... but i wouldnt... ever..... arghhhh...... stupid moralities and responsibilities..!!!
there are so many people, and so many things that ive been avoiding. and i dont care. and i dont want to care. and i duno if what im doing is right, but i dont want anyone to tell me that its wrong. why cant i do somethin without people questioning me? why does everyone fake interest, when it doesnt even matter. why cant i write how i feel because im afraid i will be judged? why cant i say what i think without thinking twice? Why does being honest cause problems?
----------------
"Sometimes it’s easy to feel you’re the only one in the world who’s struggling, who’s frustrated or unsatisfied or barely getting by. But that feelings a lie and if you just hold on, just find the courage to face it all for another day, someone or something will find you and make it all ok. Because we all need a little help sometimes, someone to help us hear the music in the world, to remind us that it wont always be this way, that someone is out there. And that someone will find you."
Im still waiting for that someone...

fяєєdσм

yay today at 10:05am.. (well just after 10:05) i got my Ps.. yay :D
i put petrol for the first time.. it spilt all over me.. i felt like crying.. and still do.. how embarassing
my cuz david proposed to his gf katarina.. so cute.. congrats to them :)